Simpsons by the Season: 12

"This plot makes no sense! Tell the people!"

This season, while slightly better than eleven, suffers from two major faults: being unable to end an episode and forgetting what their characters are meant to be.

Several times this season and the last they wrote themselves into a corner from which they couldn't return. Either they didn't provide enough time to logically solve the plot, or they simply didn't know how, and the resulting solution was to make a joke on how it's not ending properly. That's fine - it's funny, and if done right, it's pretty clever - but here's the catch: you can only do it once. This ends up happening time and time again to the point where you've not only seen it before, but you're expecting it. Last season it happened with Moe's new face due to paying for plastic surgery; he looked great, but after a wall collapsed on him, he became re-uglied. He then began questioning why he didn't have a totally new face instead of having his old face returned, in which the show cuts off his speech. It was funny. It was clever.

Then in the episode where Homer becomes a missionary and subsequently gets into a wild adventure where he's about to be killed (sheesh, just in summary form that sounds stupid) they cut the episode off as a fake PBS pledge drive. OK, but that's only two - but then there's "The Great Money Caper", a terrible episode which we'll go back to, which ends with Lisa saying "I know it seems far fetched - even insulting to your intelligence - but there's a simple and highly satisfying explanation. You see-" before she's cut off by Otto saying something like "surf's up". The show then switches scenes to the characters surfing. The episode ends. Once again, they use that excuse to get out of a jam.

This hasn't yet touched on where they simply choose not to end the episodes, and don't even bother making a joke on it. In "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes" Homer gets shipped onto an island full of people that know too much. They then send a Homer clone to the Simpson house, everyone is getting gassed all the time, Homer gets chased by some sort of defense orb when escaping the island, and it ends with the dog gassing the whole family who wakes up to find themselves on this inexplicable island. The final clip is a koala wearing a mask which shoots gas out of it, presumably trying to blank out the memory of a dreadful episode. The problem here is - again - the episode doesn't actually end. The conflict is still unresolved. It's skipping Writing 101. (Sidenote: this doesn't touch on how many times they make light of Homer no longer working, but that's just too easy.)

OK. That's half the rant.

The second major issue with this season falls on their characters no longer being like themselves. In "The Great Money Caper" in which I mentioned earlier, Homer and Bart become con artists, stealing from Springfielders. This should never happen. These are supposed to be identifiable, good people at heart. Now they're thieves. If you remember back to Bart stealing Bonestorm, his black sheep-ism caused him to go and do something sweet to cure both his guilt and the pain he caused for Marge. This time, they get caught by the town, but do nothing to learn their lesson. They lose, receive no repercussions, don't develop morally, and as I explained earlier, the episode doesn't even really end. Why would they make such beloved characters despicable?

The best example of this comes in "Homer vs. Dignity". But why talk about that here? Jump to the "worst episode" section that follows!

Best Episode:
Ah, the good ol' days where there were so many quality episodes that it was terribly difficult to choose the best. Now, I'm flipping through to find one that's good enough. Lets see... the Krusty and Sideshow Bob episodes ("Insane Clown Poppy" and "Day of the Jackanapes", respectively) were both mediocre. "Hungry Hungry Homer" is OK. Sheesh... I think I'll go with "New Kids on the Blecch" - in which Bart and his friends become the Party Posse, a boy band - in spite of the absolutely terrible ending, and purely because of how hilarious Ralph's voice is in that episode.

Best Quotes:

"Oh, the Luftwaffe - the Washington Generals of the History Channel."

"I'm a level five vegan - I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."
-Jesse Grass, a tree-hugger speaking to Lisa

"If you're watching this, you're the President of the United States. Hello sir or madame. Hopefully sir."
-One of the forbidden videos in Comic Book Guy's hidden section of the store

"Sulfur turkey? Cream of toast? Where did we get all this crap?"
-Homer searching through his cupboards for dinner

Worst Episode:
This might be the worst they've ever done. Somehow you have "Simpsons Safari" and "The Great Money Caper" and they're not even in contention. In "Homer vs. Dignity"... well, the title sums it up, doesn't it? Previously when Homer needed money he took an extra job. The reason he needed the money is he was trying to be a good father and buy the pony Lisa so desperately wanted. Now, he just wants money, and becomes Burns' "prank monkey". Throughout the episode, Burns frequently calls Homer "monkey", Homer reduces Comic Book Guy to tears (as well as most fans), gets defiled by a male panda while wearing a panda suit, and - in what may be the single lowest point in the series, and I say that while remembering Tommaco, Homer is found lying on the men's room floor in a diaper, saying "baby made a boom boom." Look what this show has done to their own characters.

Oh, and don't forget; Mr. Burns throws fish guts on a crowd as he's dressed as Santa Claus. This isn't Mr. Burns - he isn't supposed to be malicious for the sake of it. He's supposed to be greedy and ruthless, but not randomly terrible for the very sake of it. Why are they making me hate the characters I formerly loved?

Simpsons by the Season: 11

"Just stop spouting those hackneyed quips."

If the previous season had The Simpsons jumping the shark, this is the grizzly aftermath in the subsequent landing. The greatest fault comes from completely annihilating any semblance of reason and realism in the show, as if they had to keep up with Family Guy to maintain a hold on their less discerning viewers. Some highlights of the lowlights in ridiculousness: Homer adds plutonium to a field of crops mixing it into a super plant causing the animals to go crazy (and apparently learn small parts of the English language); Homer gets shot in the arm in a duel; Homer eats toxic waste; Maggie saves Homer from drowning by gaining super-human strength; Maggie bowls a perfect game in bowling; Homer eats a jacket; Homer duels a biker gang by wielding motorcycles; Lisa convinces Homer and Bart they have leprosy; Homer and Bart train a horse to win the Springfield Derby while assaulting other horses; Homer discovers jockeys have a secret civilization (and they're also some sort of weird elf creature - this is not a Halloween episode); Bart drives a tank; Bart knocks down a Major League Baseball satellite; Maude is killed off because...; Homer kills an alligator; and the whole family becomes fugitives.

This is one season. One season. I would say it has three of the contenders for the top ten "Worst Episodes Ever" list, the first being "E-i-e-i-(annoyed grunt)". Homer glove-slaps people to get his way until he runs into a gun-toting southerner who accepts the challenge of a duel - not a terrible way to start, admittedly. He then runs away to a farm with the family to avoid it and begins to plant tomatoes, but finds the yield to be low - this is where it starts to get worrisome. He then adds plutonium... which mixes with the nicotine of nearby tobacco plants or something... creating a spectacular super-crop... and it's gone. It ends with the animals getting a hold of it, becoming addicted, and cornering the Simpsons searching for their fix - a cow bursts through a window during this sequence yelling (mooing?) "tomaccoooo!". After a sheep crashes a helicopter full of tobacco executives stealing the recipe(?) they return home to find the southerner still there, in which they decline to wrap up the plot. The southerner shoots him, grazing his arm, and the episode promptly ends. Simpsons fans, meanwhile, just shot themselves. (A second example of leaving open ends is in "Missionary Impossible" in which the episode concludes with a PBS announcement saying you can only see the end if you donate.) If that's not a contender for the worst, I don't know what is.

The second is "Saddlesore Galactica". Homer and Bart rescue a horse while making light of the fact that this is now the second time they have owned one. Those jokes are fine, and poking fun at oneself can sometimes be a good thing, but when the complaints are getting legitimate and they make light of those errors multiple times in a season, it becomes a little less funny and a touch more unsettling. Later in "Behind the Laughter" Lisa says "it's amazing how fast dad betrayed his vision of a realistic show." It's a joke that makes you laugh at first until you think about it a little longer. Anyways, they immediately train it to race faster than the other horses while hitting the other racers, thus winning pretty well everything while upsetting the other competitors. All the while, Homer is taking his latest leave of absence from work. The worst segment, and one of the worst of not only the season but the series, lies in Homer getting abducted by the jockeys who live in a secret civilization where they reveal they're actually some sort of elf. This is making me too upset to write any longer, and I believe it's time to move on to the next episode. 

Number three in the running is "Kill the Alligator and Run" in which Homer has a mental breakdown (a note for the writers: characters going legitimately insane isn't funny, it's just cheap and easy humour). Homer then goes to party in Florida during spring break which cures his worries. They then kill a beloved alligator which puts them all in jail, leading to their decision to break out and become fugitives. It's a terrible plot, it strays so far from what the characters do and who they are, and above all, it's just not funny. Why are Lisa and Marge not the voice of reason here? Why are they OK with this? Questions like that are increasingly left unanswered.

Yes, there are a few good episodes - Mel Gibson and Homer making a movie has some classic bits, and Moe getting plastic surgery is a solid episode, but while a few bad apples may spoil the bunch, it doesn't work to the opposite effect. It's just a flat out poor season. Even what they do well isn't hitting like it should anymore; a great example is "Brother's Little Helper", in which Bart goes on mood altering drugs in order to improve his school performance. At the core it's a good idea for an episode, paving the way for a smart satire on the topic, something The Simpsons has been the subject of praise for time and time again. Sadly, they just turn Bart crazy (again, it's not funny, just cheap) and they make no such statements. The plot fizzled where a few seasons ago it would shine. Something where Bart is ultimately changed in some way, loses part of himself or something along those lines would have actually said something, but instead they took the easy way. It's a sign of the times, I guess.

It's a harsh reminder that at this point in the series, they are not yet halfway through their still continuing run. I believe seasons 11-13 may be the worst, so perhaps it's in a funk in which it crawls itself out of at least somewhat, but this season was a travesty. 

Best Quotations (there were still a few):

"The problem I have is people love me so much they never criticize me."

-Oh, Mel Gibson. You got your wish.

"Well world, this is it. I always thought you'd die before me."

-Homer as he's about to kill himself for the... seventh? time in the series.

"Alright class, today we'll be sitting quietly in the dark because teacher has a hangover."

-As a future teacher, this one was a personal favourite.

"Cleo, Cleo - you've brought music to my heart but this relationship can never work. I'm a doctor, and you're a five thousand year old mummy I brought back to life."

-Moe on "It Never Ends", a sitcom which hired him due to his newfound beauty.

Best Episode:

The best episode of the season is "Beyond Blunderdome" in which Homer and Mel Gibson make a movie. It's smarter than the rest, funny throughout, and it doesn't go too off the rails. A nod goes to "Behind the Laughter" which is the funniest of the season by far in my mind, but I can't give it 'best episode' as I'm always a little wary of when they leave the Simpsons canon. 

Worst Episode:

Can I give a three-way tie between the ones I listed? If I can't, I'll go with "Saddlesore Galactica". It's an atrocity. The jockey part solidified it's place here.

Simpsons by the Season: 10

"I can't believe I'm saying this about a T.V. show, but this is kinda stupid."

Good glavin.

Season nine gave the series the first bad episode; ten gives the first bad season. The good episodes are few and far between, and I dare say they're outweighed by the poor. The writing is painfully sloppy, the plots increasingly outrageous, and the characters are slowly becoming sad mockeries of themselves. It all starts with perhaps the worst of the season: "Lard of the Dance", where Homer decides his next business venture is grease collection. I wish I could say that was the stupidest thing that happened this season in a show that was formerly grounded in reality.


Now, before I continue I want to clarify something; reality is not a prerequisite for a good show. My action packed beloved Banshee has many moments of impossibility (it happens on an episode by episode basis) but, oddly enough, I have no problem with it. Other cartoon comedies (Rick and Morty, Bojack Horseman, Archer) have plots that would in comparison seem absolutely off the wall - but I have no problem with these shows. That's because it sticks to the reality it created for itself from an early stage; it wasn't taking itself too seriously off the beginning, and thus it allowed itself to take a few liberties. In Banshee, I can overlook the fact that an expert thief somehow found his way into becoming a sheriff of a small town as long as he isn't firing lasers out of his eyes or capturing the Loch Ness monster (one of these things happen in The Simpsons this season - keep reading to find out which!). The Simpsons has traditionally been a show that hasn't reached too far from the boundaries it created in the early seasons - what is near and far from the Simpsons' house is alterable (that's fine), Homer is a bumbling oaf who became a nuclear technician (that's fine too, as stumbling into fortunate circumstances is his jam) and other such small stretches. The issue is once it's established, it's no longer something you can fiddle with. You're stuck. This season bombards that rule.

If you're a die-hard Simpsons fan you likely don't need examples, and if you're not, you're likely not reading this blog. Either way, here's some examples from this season. Marge, driving a Canyonero (what an insult to a great previous episode to use it in this manner), herds a number of rampaging rhinos. Homer and Mr. Burns capture the Loch Ness monster and put it on display (no, I don't think any character has shot lasers... yet). Homer throws the Japanese Emperor into a bin labeled "Sumo Thongs". Somehow, these are not the most egregious examples; the worst comes in the episode "Mom and Pop Art", an episode so abhorrent it should be deleted from the Simpson records. Homer, in trying to create a great work of art, floods the entire town, making it into a second Venice - but don't worry, it's OK because he put snorkels on all the animals first!

Lets take a moment to address this. Homer just flooded Springfield. Not just a little - up to the roof. This is so, so far gone from Simpsons reality it would make Halloween specials squirm. Was this supposed to have actually occurred? Did this really happen in the Simpsons universe? To quote Frank Grimes' disgruntled tirade, "I mean... my God!". It's the same thing with the Loch Ness monster - I can't tell if this was actually supposed to have occurred, as the show has always been a realistic character driven story, something that's meant to be identifiable and witty. This is just lazy writing, but not the only example of it.


Homer doesn't even pretend to work anymore either, further driving home the point that the show is further moving off the train tracks. Half the season has seemingly been created through a Mad Libs-esque story writing technique: "Homer decides to _____________, which leads to wacky adventures". That blank has been filled with: collects grease, becomes an inventor, meets celebrities, becomes a hippie, becomes a bodyguard, goes to the Super Bowl, changes his name, becomes an artist, creates a spring business or something (I think I fell asleep during that one), and becomes a trucker. Not all of these are poor episodes, but it's slowly becoming a show of Homer becoming more and more stupid - but significantly less funny. After all, the start of "They Saved Lisa's Brain" began with a competition between Springfielders of who could do the stupidest thing.

Good glavin.

Best Quotes:
"Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"
-Ralph greeting Superintendent Chalmers

"The road to the Super Bowl is long and pointless. I mean... when you think about it."
-from a Super Bowl commercial

"I just don't have the self-discipline to be a hippie."
-Homer after discovering his hippie roots and failing miserably.

"You don't snuggle with Max Power - you strap yourself in and feel the gs!"
-Homer after adopting his Max Power persona, to Marge

Best Episode:
It has its flaws, but all episodes in this season do. The best episode is "Mayored to the Mob", as it follows a consistent story and is pretty funny without going too off the rails - which is unfortunately more than I can ask for many of the rest. A nod goes to "Homer to the Max" - Max Power - which couldn't take the prize due to the profoundly stupid ending with Homer clearing a forest through a chain reaction of knocking over one tree.


Worst Episode:
Homer becomes a name in the "outsider art" community after trying to build a barbeque and having it come out as a mess. Unreasonably stupid, entirely unrealistic, and above all, hardly a funny joke in the bunch, all culminating in one of the worst endings of an episode in Simpsons history. It beats out Homer's grease collection episode, but just barely.

Simpsons by the Season: 9

"Pray for Mojo."

The first eight seasons go off with no bad apple to spoil the bunch. No one episode was poor enough to actually say it was bad, which as I've now said for the past four or so blog posts, is incredible. It's an unparalleled run, but one that couldn't last forever. Season nine is the first one that slips.

Don't get me wrong - the season still has some top notch episodes. It opens with "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson", which is entertaining throughout and has a reasonable storyline. It also has a classic Krusty episode - "The Last Temptation of Krust" - in which he realizes he's sold out and his humour has gone stale, changes to an angrier act complaining about the industry, and eventually reverts back and endorses the Canyonero. The song that follows is Simpsons at it's finest. Homer becoming the garbage commissioner is a pretty great episode as well. It's not like it's gone completely off the rails; bear in mind that this is the same show that has an eighth season with Hank Scorpio and Frank Grimes. 

So they visit New York in episode one. It feels fresh, it's clever, it's got some great moments in it... bring on episode two. This one has got to be one of the more controversial episodes of the show, finding its way onto darn near every "Worst Episode Ever" list - "The Principal and the Pauper." As it turns out, Principal Skinner is actually an imposter. Believing his friend in the army - the real Seymour Skinner - was killed, the fake Seymour Skinner (Armin Tamzarian - oh boy, they're asking for trouble with going with such a ridiculous name to boot) lives his life from then on. Critics and viewers found the episode to be far too difficult to believe, and damaged a character they know and love. Oh boy. I can't help but imagine their reaction to some of the later plotlines. 

Don't get me wrong, it's a poor episode - in fact, it's The Simpsons' first failure. But putting it in the worst episode list is woefully inaccurate, as the last couple of seasons alone would have hatched ten episodes that wouldn't come near this one. At the core, it still has a few funny lines, the plot is stupid but not appalling (I understand that's generous, but it's relative to later episodes) and I don't believe it debased Skinner all that much. Worse episodes abound - and I believe there are two this season. 

There are some other poor episodes which would have been the worst if they had aired a season earlier - "The Joy of Sect" (Springfield joins the Movementarians cult) and "Simpson Tide" (Homer joins the Navy) spring to mind - but there are two that bottom out. "Lisa the Skeptic" in which the town finds a buried angel is by far the worst of the bunch. It's the beginning of the show's usage of their characters becoming mockeries of themselves. Yeah, the town of Springfield is stupid. I get that. But for them to all believe there's an angel that's become uncovered, that it's a harbinger of doom, only to be tricked by the whole thing being a publicity stunt for a mall? Come on now. Perhaps it's a hackneyed attempt to make a commentary on religious symbols and consumption or something, a way to revert back to what already seems like a Simpsons of the past, but it's painfully contrived, and the whole episode completely falls flat. 

Then there's "Lost Our Lisa". A lot of shows begin to lose their way when characters become too strong of versions of what they already are. Bill in King of the Hill went from sad to uncomfortably sad. Kevin in The Office went from stupid to possibly disabled. Here we have Homer going from lovable oaf to breaking into a museum, getting his head caught in a drawbridge and knocking over a priceless artifact (that's just sitting there behind a rope on a pedestal). He even at one point says to Lisa, "Feeling stupid? I know I am!". It's not an egregious example, but it's a sign of the times. And it's about to get a whole lot worse. 

Since I don't want to end on a bad note, as it isn't a bad season, we'll end on an odd one. I'm not big on the whole 9/11 conspiracy thing (in fact, it's a bunch of garbage in my mind) but Lisa holding up a paper right to the front of the screen talking about their bus fare with the price as $9 and the twin towers coming up immediately beside it? Well, it's odd. I'm not saying anything more than that, because that's all it is - odd. But nevertheless, it is an interesting tidbit of Simpsons lore.

Best Quotes:

"Fast kicking, low scoring, and ties? You bet!"

-The show's take on soccer

"Sorry son, I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown."

-Best without context

"Come on, Homer, I'm one of your dearest friends! Remember when everyone said you were too drunk to drive? Who gave you your keys?"

-It's about time I got a Moe quote in here

Best Episode:

It goes to "Last Temptation of Krust". Krusty's transformation is just too funny. A nod goes to "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson".

Worst Episode: 
It's time for this category, sadly. The occasional episode is poor enough to warrant it. This season's worst goes to the reprehensible "Lisa the Skeptic".