Simpsons by the Season: Bottom Ten

"Shut up, brain. I got friends now. I don't need you anymore."

I grew up with The Simpsons. Quotes from the show were daily (sheesh, hourly) occurrences, I always looked forward to seeing a new episode, and as I grew older I developed an even greater appreciation for the classics, once I understood the more subtle jokes in them. Having been created right around when I was born and still running today, it's been a constant in my life, albeit a less important one in the last eight or so years. That's why I can't just give up on this show, and that's why I care enough about it to force myself through watching so many seasons when I stopped really liking them quite some time ago. Seeing so many terrible episodes disgraces something that has been so enjoyable in my upbringing, and as I've argued with video games, you can get attached to the characters in television just the same way you can a good book. Watching these atrocious episodes probably stings more than it should, but I can certainly understand why it stings at all - and why I can't just turn off the T.V.. Episodes like this tarnish a legacy that I've watched grow to great heights and fall so, so rapidly.

10: The Bob Next Door
Sideshow Bob has had many top tier episodes, and we've all come to accept that at the core of them he's trying to murder a ten year old. It's dark, but it's oddly acceptably dark. He has never actually killed anyone, and more importantly, he has never surgically removed his own face and that of someone else and switched them. Since I was ten, I have always thought: "Man, I hope he never robs a face. That would be needlessly gruesome and far too ridiculous for a show that's at least somewhat grounded in reality." You could imagine my disappointment when it happened.

9: Pray Anything
In season four, Homer stays home from church and it's a major point of contention between him and Marge. In season fourteen, he sues the church for a million dollars (which it can't pay) and thus takes it over, using a crucifix as an air guitar, drinking booze from a chalice, playing strip poker on the front lawn, and throwing a beer keg through the stained glass windows. It's a nice contrast for the degradation of the characters over the years.

8: Simpsons Safari
What an absolute mess. The Simpsons go to Africa, and after being chased by a hippo, they stumble upon a Jane Goodall type, but discover that she's actually using the chimps she's harbouring to mine diamonds. In the end they take the diamonds in exchange for their silence. It's atrocious on all fronts; it's never funny, it's far too ridiculous, and once again the family is a bunch of jerks.

7: Kill the Alligator and Run
The Simpsons become fugitives after killing an alligator, and... well, that alone should be enough to warrant a bottom ten placement. It just gets worse from there, with the whole episode being disjointed and poorly strung together. The entire family having to pack up and live a life as hillbillies running from the law is one of the stupidest plotlines of the series. But hey... a Kid Rock guest appearance. Who doesn't love Kid Rock? ...Right?

6: The Frying Game
If you can't remember the plot for this episode it's probably because there were seven of them slammed into one twenty-two minute segment. 1. Homer buys Marge a koi pond 2. They find a screamapillar, and must protect it as it's nearly extinct 3. Homer and Marge have to join Meals on Wheels 4. Homer and Marge become housecleaners for an old lady 5. They witness a break-and-enter and a murder that follows 6. Homer, a suspect for the murder, extorts the town with fear tactics 7. Homer and Marge are convicted of murder - but wait - it's all a joke! It's a game show! Haha!

The whole episode feels like it was written in one sitting by seven different people, none of which were communicating with each other. There's no cohesive plot, no laughs, and no semblance of reality in this godforsaken heap. Call Ray Patterson - clean this up.

5: Moe Goes From Rags to Riches
There are certain ideas for episodes that were doomed from their very inception. Moe being best friends with his bar rag which, as it turns out, is a sentient being that has been "living" through centuries before finding itself in Moe's care is not, under any circumstances, going to work.

4: Lisa the Drama Queen
Lisa finds a friend who brings her into a different reality, full of elves, trolls and other fantastical creatures. Why they would add a character that's somehow more pretentious than past-ten-seasons Lisa is beyond me. This episode is above all else simply boring. It'll leave you with yawns - angry yawns.

3: Saddlesore Galactica
Homer and Bart getting a tough-as-nails racehorse is a stupid enough plot as it is, but then discovering a secret society of jockeys (that are also elves) pushes me just too far. Homer falling into their jockey world is the second worst single moment of the series (the worst is in number one on the bottom ten list) in an episode that's irredeemable anyways.

2: The Man who Came to Dinner
There are a number of episodes in this list that I can't tell for sure if they're actually part of the Simpsons universe. Sideshow Bob stealing someone's face I assume is happening in reality, regardless of how impossible. Moe's bar rag? That one is a toss-up. The land of the jockeys? Probably real, I assume? But this episode - the most recent on the list - has Kang and Kodos abduct the Simpson family and bring them back to their homeworld. It's by far the stupidest episode they've done, and have stolen the aliens from their Halloween exclusive episodes where they so, so obviously belong. The entire episode is an atrocity, right down to the ending with Maggie flying the family back to Earth in a spaceship.

1: Homer vs. Dignity
What in the world were they thinking when they decided they would take one of their beloved characters and degrade him as much as possible for the purposes of an episode? The entire plot is Homer being a prank-monkey for Mr. Burns, lowering himself in a variety of ways for money. Homer getting sexually assaulted by a panda is the second worst thing to happen in this, and the worst (and the worst of the whole series!) is Homer sitting on the men's room floor in a diaper saying "baby made a boom-boom" for the amusement of Mr. Burns. There is nothing worse than that. There is no episode that even comes close.

Dishonourable Mentions:
"The Fool Monty"
"Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em"
"Mom and Pop Art"
"Mona Leaves-a"
"Gone, Maggie, Gone"

Simpsons by the Season: 26

"You know what we should really thank for our success? Lower standards."

It's the last season before catching up with the present day, which means this project I've started about ten months ago is finally coming to a close. Twenty six seasons later, I've seen it through it's inception, the golden years, the shockingly fast descent, a brief half-resurgence (at least in comparison) and another sharp decline. I haven't been enjoying the episodes for a while now, and, as you can see by the increased length between posts, it's becoming more of a chore than anything. Rather than feeling the satisfaction of completing a task, it's closer to being put out of my misery.

I had thought the series had hit somewhat of an end of history, descending into mostly tame episodes that are rather run of the mill and inoffensive; finally all dust and embers of it's once roaring fire. It's the way the show had been turning for the past while, and I foolishly thought the trend would continue. Oh boy. If only. While the mistakes are plenty, the theme of the errors this time around are simple; it all comes down to laziness.

More than ever, things feel loosely strung together as the episodes fail to reach a cohesive story. Guest stars come and go for seemingly no reason: Pharrell Williams just happens to be in Springfield without explanation; Elon Musk descends from a futuristic spaceship mostly just because. The effort in the writing in at least having a reason for the guest spots is shot, but that's not the only mistake here. Frequently the show feels like a pieced together variety hour with plots that come and go with only a tenuous link to the main story. The appearance of Elon Musk's spaceship (I can't believe that sentence has to do with a Simpsons episode) ends a segment of the show where the family captures an eagle - a segment that has nothing to do with the rest of the show but nevertheless takes up a good part of the beginning of the program. A similar idea occurs in an episode called "Sky Police" that has Clancy find a jet-pack to better monitor the town before crashing it into the church - where the plot goes to a gambling scheme. But what about the whole sky police angle of which the episode is named? Well, when Clancy said "this is the end of sky police" - only three minutes and fifteen seconds into the episode I might add. I guess that was the end of that plotline entirely. Even the endings of episodes have moments that appear tacked on just to fill space when they couldn't make up the entire twenty-one minutes. One ends with "The Simpsons Post-show Jug Band", which is entirely as it sounds; another is just a drug fueled trip from Otto. Neither is funny. Both are pointless. It plays like it's written by a child that's on a sugar-high.


The rest of the season is filled with what I've come to expect from the past few sets. Absurd storylines (Kang and Kodos are real, apparently), changes of character (just one off lines like "that's where I used to grow my weed, but that's a story for another day" tend to upset me - and by the way, Marge said that), and repeated stories (Homer and a rag-tag band he puts together become wildly popular, and Apu finds centre stage - but this time he doesn't change his last name to de Beaumarchais). They might as well just keep making seasons now, as long as it's making them money. What have they got to lose? It's no longer a cultural phenomenon; no one talks about The Simpsons anymore, and spouting quotes from the series stops beyond season eight. It's no longer well received or respected, as that died out long ago. So many of the writers have long since left, and they very nearly lost Harry Shearer. They said they wouldn't do a movie, but of course that didn't last. That would have required some integrity left in the show. Groening removed his name from the episode when they did a crossover with The Critic from the sixth season (pointing out The Critic has "nothing to do with the Simpsons' world" and "it violate[d] the Simpsons' universe"), and now they've done one with Futurama and allowed their characters to appear on a Family Guy crossover episode, the twisting of the knife in my side. I suppose it doesn't even matter when they stop now. To quote the show from a better time...

Stop, stop, it's already dead!

Best Quotes:
"Remember: we're parked in the ethnic princess section."
-Marge at a Disneyland-esque place

"We will always remember your countless appearances on the Krusty the Clown Show... and your one appearance on To Catch a Predator."
-Krusty getting roasted

"You don't have to announce it. Just do it quietly and blame the dog."
-Homer

Best Episode:
It's always safe to go with Krusty. "Clown in the Dumps", in which Krusty's dad dies, has a few pretty big laughs and a story that isn't total nonsense. Nowadays that counts as the default victory.

Worst Episode:
"The Man Who Came to Dinner" has the family visit the home planet of Kang and Kodos, the Halloween episode favourites. The quote "are we truly in space? And if so, why?" rings far too true. Maggie flying them home in a spaceship was taking the knife that was twisted in the Family Guy crossover and giving it serrated teeth. Bottom ten material, right here. A fitting way to end it.

Simpsons by the Season: 25

"That's the great thing about art - everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks."

This season is in many ways a carbon copy of the previous. For the most part it's simply bland, the episodes drifting into one another without ever really catching. There are only a handful of truly offensive episodes (I'll detail those towards the end, as two split the coveted worst episode of the season award) but just as scarce are the good ones. The minds behind The Simpsons must have decided that to prolong the longevity of the series they will churn out episodes that aren't going to enrage the viewer (who is far more loyal than they deserve) but will instead placate them with mediocrity. Viewers won't be up in arms, so they'll probably grudgingly return to the television to pay homage to a fallen great. After all, you can't say you've watched the entire series while skipping season 25. 

The identical feelings at the end of season 24 and 25 I believe may have signified the end of change in the series, settling into a permanent lull. It won't change now. It doesn't go from fantastic quality, to low quality, to ridiculous, to tame and then back to something previously; it'll stay at tame as tame is safe. Low effort, low quality (but not bottoming out quality) will bring in enough viewers to keep the propped up, rotting corpse of the series alive for another day. It's the end of the line. 26 won't be better or worse, and neither will 27. The show has flatlined a hair above being legally declared deceased. Of course, it's still better than the death spiral of 15-18 (give or take) in which the show bottomed out, but being on life support after it's heart attack is such a sorry state.

Don't get me wrong, the show still has its periodic ups and downs (occasional heartbeats and seizures, if we're continuing on the hospital metaphor) but they're few and far between. There are two pretty decent episodes in "Specs and the City" (the Simpsons' version of Google Glass comes to Springfield) and "Steal This Episode" (their take on internet privacy), and about four terrible ones. "Days of Future Future" is an absolutely nonsensical mess with Homer being cloned, and then it's in the future and there's zombies, and... all I know is it wasn't a Halloween episode. "The Man Who Grew Too Much" has Sideshow Bob splice genes of animals to make himself super-human. "You Don't Have to Live Like a Referee" has Homer officiating the World Cup. Homer and Bart get back at Skinner through a prank, telling him his mother has been murdered and he was the main suspect, but they'll help him get rid of her corpse by chopping it into pieces in "Yellow Subterfuge".


Sigh.

Fortunately, those four messes make up only a fraction of the season, so it's mostly watchable. Anger has subsided and it's been replaced by boredom. Just as long as it's still on the air, right?

Best Episode:

"Steal This Episode" takes the cake, as it delivered a fairly even handed approach to internet privacy. Sure, it's low hanging fruit, but they tackled it well.

Worst Episode:

I've already described them, but Homer being a World Cup referee is so bafflingly stupid it's too difficult to ignore. However, "Days of Future Future" is such a pieced together trainwreck it might, somehow, be worse.

Best Quotes:

"Eduardo Barcelona, or in english, Eddy Miami." 
-Homer's Brazilian pen-pal

"Nelson, you frighten me so, 
the psychoest bully I know,
you're a sociopath,
in need of a bath, 
I'm sure you'll end up on death row"
-Bart's valentine for Nelson

"I'll never experience the ultimate reward for a life well lived: the gentle slumber of death."
-Homer living in a dream world

Simpsons by the Season: 24

"There's like eight amazing shows, none of them on Fox."

At the end of the last blog post I made a plea for sanity in The Simpsons, claiming that when the show holds onto reality it's infinitely more entertaining than when it gets completely lost. This season, in a refreshing fashion, actually holds to that - the over-the-top absurd moments are few and far between, and while they still exist (Reverend Lovejoy literally boring frogs to death in "Pulpit Friction") the season is much more tolerable than others due to the fact that most episodes have a straightforward plot that doesn't go insane two-thirds of the episode through. 

Sadly, that isn't to say it was a success of a season, but more of a stay from absolute travesty. Many of the same issues in previous seasons creep up, but they're just not quite as pervasive as they have been. Homer's a jerk in "A Test Before Trying" where he puts up a parking meter to scam people out of pocket change, but at least it's a side-story and not the main. Episodes are rehashed or merged, like in "Whiskey Business" - Moe gains confidence through wearing a specific suit (not Marge's Chanel one though!) and it turns out he can make a phenomenal drink (but gained his popularity in a different way than through his Flaming Moe). Continuity errors still come through, with Bart pretending to be a great piano player in "The Fabulous Faker Boy" (they reference him never having any musical talent, forgetting he surpassed Lisa's success in jazz through drumming a few seasons ago) and "The Saga of Carl" in which Carl's adopted Icelandic heritage is revealed, which just raises countless questions considering Lenny, Homer and himself have been friends since childhood. But, I'll be realistic here, and realize that in the grand scheme of things these are relatively small errors or oversights, and the weakness of the season doesn't lie there.

The problem with this stretch is a lot harder to pinpoint. It's hard to say "this just has to be funnier" and leave it at that, but that's really the core of the problem. The humour just isn't there anymore, lacking the cleverness and wit of previous seasons and replacing it with jokes that feel more like they're just going through the motions. They can hardly fill a full episode slot anymore, as if it's becoming too hard for them to do so. The couch gags are getting longer and longer, and twice this season they had two minute segments at the end of episodes that are complete non sequiturs. One had Mr. Burns explaining the "fiscal cliff" premise and the other was a clip about... I don't know, advertising characters doing something. It was a total mess. It's not that those clips are the worst parts of the season, but it's indicative of a greater problem; they're so low on ideas that they literally can't fill the entire show up before having to switch thoughts to something else. It's like the show itself is battling with attention deficit.

While this isn't the worst season by a longshot, there's little to report that's positive except for the moderate absences of negatives. While few moments or episodes really stuck, there wasn't anything that made me as violently angry (I may take the series a little too seriously at times). So, take it as you will. Is The Simpsons best served lukewarm now? Perhaps that's the truth.

Best Quotes:
"A kid's never lonely when he has balogna! Except me." 
-Milhouse

"Emergency meeting in the faculty lounge. BYOB." 
-Chalmers to Edna

"Nah, it's a 44 long. I wear a 38 hunched." 
-Moe, shopping for a suit

"My gay dad is gay for gays."
-Homer about Abe

Best Episode:
"The Day the Earth Stood Cool" is probably the best episode of the season. It pokes some easy fun at hipsters but it does a pretty decent job of doing so.

Worst Episode:
"A Tree Grows in Springfield" has a message of "hope" written into a tree in the backyard of the Simpsons' house. It's essentially the episode with the angel all over again, and not much better. This is also one of the episodes with the two minute segment at the end that has nothing to do with the episode itself. 

Simpsons by the Season: 21

"Lis, what's going on? You're not normally this interesting."

I haven't been friendly to The Simpsons over the past several blog posts. Well... really, it's gotten angrier and angrier since season nine, but I'm going to go ahead and try to stay optimistic here. This is a notable improvement, and I dare say (I'm going out on a limb here) it wasn't a total waste of time to watch it. There. I said it. Above all else, in a lot of these episodes I was actually laughing. There were jokes that didn't involve Homer or Bart being cruel or thieves; they didn't exclusively rely on Homer's stupidity, while artlessly pushing it to a maximum; Lisa's whininess and ultra-liberalism are kept in moderation; their episodes were at least somewhat original; reality was at least somewhat present, save for a few examples (Marge and Homer becoming Olympic curlers is not the worst offence).

The greatest fault of this season is their inability to keep a consistently strong episode throughout the twenty-one minute span, in spite of the fact that many of them actually start with promise. "Homer the Whopper" has a decent story with Comic Book Guy writing his very own comic, but falls to another 'Homer finds a crazy new job' plot in which he once more becomes super jacked, but this time for the film adaptation of the comic. "The Great Wife Hope" doesn't have a bad beginning either, with seeing how the rise of the UFC effects Springfield. However, when Marge decides to get in the octagon as well, it's best left to be forgotten. Even "The Squirt and the Whale" starts with a fairly stupid but decent plot about Homer starting to use wind power (nothing special, but certainly OK) before it leads to a terrible ending with Homer being saved by a whale from a bunch of sharks. The lesson here to Simpsons writers: if you're playing heroic music, the characters are probably doing something stupid that doesn't fit their persona, and if the heroic music is being played for a whale, you should consider a new profession. 

The episodes follow a similar pattern to the season itself, with a fair batch of decent starter episodes but failing to continue that streak. "Bart Gets a Z", in which he gets Krabappel drunk during class and subsequently gets fired holds up O.K.. The Halloween special has some genuinely funny bits. "Pranks and Greens", in spite of having Jonah Hill (I really can't stand him for reasons I have difficulties explaining) is fairly strong as well. In fact, the first 5/6 are well above the average for the past ten seasons. It's the second half that goes horribly awry, as if they burned themselves out halfway through. 

Right around the beginning of the back end has "Boy Meets Curl" with Homer and Marge becoming Olympians. Their curling team consists of Marge (by the end having an arm in a sling), Homer (who is a terrible curler whom the team carries), Agnes (an ancient woman) and Seymour (a noted dud). It's not even the best team Springfield could put together, and it distracts from the jokes when you're constantly questioning if this is really happening or not. This season is a prime example of how the show stays fresh when in reality and completely falters when they lose sight of it. 

Mind you, the second worst episode, while not entirely unrealistic, is just plain awful. The family goes to Jerusalem with Ned, and Homer is a disrespectful, sacrilegious oaf. If that doesn't sound terrible enough, he eventually believes himself to be the messiah. Oh, if only that were the worst part of the episode - what takes the cake is the cliched-to-death Jewish tour guide.

In spite of all that...

Season 21 will make you laugh at times, in particular the first half. The series is having the life squeezed out of it, but it's still got a little juice left. Yes, it should have been cancelled. Yes, it should have ended over a decade ago (even at this point in time). But it hasn't. It's still here, they're still making episodes, and on the rare occasion there are some good ones.

Best Episode:

...Like this year's Treehouse of Horror. It's nothing too original or groundbreaking, but delivers on a number of jokes. I typically don't want to give the Halloween episodes the best episode honour, mostly because they don't seem to fall within the regular season quite as snuggly, but I'll make an exception.

Worst Episode:

In "The Bob Next Door", Sideshow Bob steals a man's face, escapes from jail, and once more tries to kill Bart. It's needlessly gruesome, ridiculous beyond even the most asinine episodes, and not only does this take the crown for the worst of the season and the Sideshow Bob episode by leaps and bounds, but perhaps comes in at one of the top ten of the worst of the series. 

Best Quotes:
"Available wherever dubious quasi-scientific books are sold."
-Where to buy "The Answer", the show's absolutely hilarious parody of "The Secret".

"I can't just get rid of a teacher if he's doing a good job - or an adequate job - or just shows up and doesn't touch anyone." 
-Skinner on getting rid of Krabappel's replacement

"His name is Fatov: he represents the Russian spirit of sloth and alcoholism."
-Bart's Olympic pin he made to help Lisa

Simpsons by the Season: 20

"If I ever get a hold of you, I shall thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavours."

The Simpsons is no phoenix. From the ashes in which it has burned will not rise some new, glorious age of quality in which all Simpsons fans, young and old, will join hands and rejoice in television's warm glowing warming glow. However, I hope this is the bottom. I hope that this is the lowest it will drop, the twentieth season being this milestone where they finally take a look and realize that what they're putting out isn't acceptable. This is the first season where I wasn't entirely sure if I've seen some of the episodes I've watched, as not all of them were particularly familiar, so this is likely where my interest started to wane in the series. So perhaps it improves. That is yet to be known. But I can assure you, it cannot get much worse than this.

I won't be doing my usual synopsis of what went right and what went wrong. I'll be going episode by episode of the worst, as there's... there's just a lot to cover...

"Four Great Women and a Manicure"
Typically with the three-part Halloween Special wanna-bes they'll give a background to why they're going into the past. Something to give the episode at least a semblance of reason before jumping needlessly into time-period stories. This time, it was fifty-two seconds into the episode and we're off to Patty sitting in a throne as the Queen of England. That includes the opening theme, so really the reason for saddling us with another set of shorts like this is sold to us in twenty-five seconds. The stories themselves only tenuously link; at first Marge argues something about women needing to look good, followed by Lisa saying beauty can be dangerous, and the third story is just a woman held back by a man - but told by Marge, breaking the theme.

Thank goodness it was mercifully done at seventeen minutes.

Oh... Maggie wants a story too. I guess they did four. The way to link the fourth was literally just saying "Maggie wants a story." This episode cheats a real plot-line with the multi-story non-canon arc again, and cheats further by not even having them linked.

"Wedding for Disaster"
Marge and Homer find out they're not actually married, and thus have to remarry! Fortunately, they know exactly what to do as this is the... what... fourth time they've been married by now? But wait! Homer is kidnapped! He finds himself in a Saw-like torture chamber in which he has to find a way out. Honestly, I think someone just poked a hole in the Halloween Special this year and it leaked out to some of the other ones.

As it turns out it was Selma all along. As the writers were not yet satisfied with making Bart evil and Homer a thief they had to shatter the spirit of some other characters too. Selma ruined their second (well, fourth-ish) wedding, putting Marge through pain, but also kidnapped and tortured Homer.

"Gone Maggie Gone"
Last season we had a spy caper, having the Simpson family sabotage a missile. This year, we go on a Da Vinci Code style mystery adventure! It's complete with Lisa infiltrating a convent full of crazy nuns, who lead her in a search for a gem that a nun tells her has mystical powers. After moving through a series of clues, she is led to the Springfield Bell Tower where she finds Comic Book Guy and Skinner who are part of some secret organization to find this gem as it will bring peace to the world. She eventually solves the puzzle and returns to the convent believing herself to be the "gem child" in which will bring the world peace. However, she is wrong - it's actually Maggie. Maggie is then placed on a throne, rainbows shoot everywhere and Springfield instantly becomes a happy, peaceful place. That is, until Marge discovers Maggie has been taken and demands her back, and Bart is placed on the throne in her stead. Instantly, fire and brimstone shoot through the church, as Bart is no longer a good-hearted kid with bad tendencies, but sent by the devil himself (the picture is below).

This episode is best described as being poor simply by stating the plot itself. Here's the kicker, though - this wasn't the worst of the season. In my opinion it wasn't the worst by a long shot. That prestigious title belongs to...

"Lisa the Drama Queen"
My father, an avid Simpsons fanatic and long-standing devotee of the series (he still watches every episode, and I admire his tenacity) often speaks of "Lisa the Drama Queen". He didn't know the title so he would describe it as some mess where Lisa makes a make-belief land with dragons and unicorns and other crap. Add Lisa slipping in and out of an aggravating english accent and he had it pretty well dead on. It's a contender for a bottom ten of the series, which really, really means something now. An episode that ends with the Simpson family going to Machu Pichu because Bart put a tracker Marge planted on him on a bird didn't even make the list - neither does an episode that has a magic sauce foretelling what would have come had Homer become class president in high school.

Best Episode:
Speaking of my father again, he always says that he sticks around because the show can, on occasion, pump out some decent episodes still. I'd debate if it's worth pushing through that much muck and mire for something that still won't hold with any of the first hundred or so episodes.

"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words", an episode in which Lisa becomes a crossword puzzle champion and Homer bets on her (and eventually against her) keeps the characters at least somewhat close to themselves, shows Homer having regret for his actions, and stays at least somewhat in the realm of reality. For season twenty, that's knocking it out of the park.

Best Quotes:
"Man, those are some ugly kittens."
-Bart reflecting on his kitten calendar gift for the family

"Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay."
"Ugh, how'd you check?"
-Bart and Homer to a salesman trying to give a puffy shirt to Bart

Simpsons by the Season: 18

"I can't believe he acted completely in character."

Season ten started the decline of The Simpsons. Eleven found the plots becoming decreasingly realistic. Twelve, the plots went from unrealistic to just not entertaining. In the thirteenth, the characters weren't even really acting like themselves anymore. Fourteen, the quality of the humour really started to sink, as if it wasn't already. The fifteenth season finds the show trying to conjure up happier feelings with nostalgia in place of good writing. While the sixteenth is a strange throwback to slightly better stuff, it was too little too late as the following the characters just lose their humanity. 

This eighteenth is a culmination of everything that has gone wrong with the series, tied into one tidy bundle of garbage. Here's how!

Reality is taken out back and shot: 

Far too many episodes can essentially pass for Halloween episodes now, as writing in reality has evidently become too hard. If you remember when Community had their first paintball themed episode, it was fresh, original, and above all pretty funny. Then they started doing more of them, and other such episodes that didn't fit with the format and went about as off the rails as a show can go. It's probably easier to write as it opens up nearly endless material, but they rarely hit the mark and come across as cheap. "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Three Times" is another three-part episode in which the characters are different people, "Marge Gamer" (a self explanatory title) takes them into another universe, and "24 Minutes" (an episode parodying the show 24) is just an extended Halloween bit. With the Halloween episode itself added, about 20% of the episodes a season don't actually exist within the Simpsons universe anymore (maybe "24 Minutes" did, but man, that's a push).

The plots losing entertainment value:
I understand that this is about as subjective as it comes, but episodes like "Kill Gil" just can't make it past the first stages. Gil is a side character, and having him lead an entire episode in which he comes and lives with the Simpsons would work as a side plot as best. He's a one dimensional character - he can't hold a whole plot. It's like when The Office, in its declining years, had a few Creed-based episodes.

Characters just aren't themselves:
Homer becomes a thief (again?) in "Crook and Ladder". This isn't Homer being morally questionable, this is him flat out taking advantage of someone's buildings burning down and, in the case of Burns' Manor, just plain robbing him. Beloved family man, Homer Simpson...

The humour is dead and gone:
Watch "Rome-old and Juli-eh" in which Abe dates Selma and tell me if you laugh just once.

They might try for nostalgia but forget their own stories:
The crux of the "Haw Hawed Couple" episode is Nelson and Bart becoming unlikely friends. But... Nelson and Bart have already become friends before, in the episode when Bart  shoots the bird. This is already old news. Nelson even says at one point "I've never had a best friend before" - but he has! And it is the same person. 

The characters lose their humanity:
In "Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em" there is a side plot where Bart finds out Skinner has a peanut allergy. He then continues to blackmail, taunt and torture skinner by waving a peanut on a stick at him. Bart is a malicious and horrible person in this episode, and in the end Skinner is throwing shrimp at Bart (in which they find he is allergic to) and Bart is throwing peanuts at Skinner. All this occurs after an extended Family Guy-esque fight scene. I would say it would be like a time in Family Guy when it started declining, but that show has always been trash.

Bring on season 19. Lets try to forget this ever happened.

Best Quotes:
"This is the most disgusting place we've ever been!"
"What about Brazil?"
"After Brazil."
-An exchange between Lisa and Bart

"You have destroyed all human life on Earth. Level one: completed!"
-The video game Death Kill City 2: Death Kill Stories

Best Episode:
"The Mook, the Chef, the Wife and the Homer" is probably the top of the season. Fat Tony has a son, and exploits occur. That's all you need to know. It's pretty good.

Worst Episode:
"Please Homer Don't Hammer 'Em" is in contention for being one of the worst ever, in my books. I've already explained how terrible the Bart and Skinner side story is, but the main one fares no better. Marge inexplicably becomes a very talented carpenter (Bart in this season also becomes a fantastic jazz drummer too, somehow) but no one trusts her as she's a woman. Homer then takes the credit while letting Marge do the work. There's a terrible bit with a roller coaster falling apart, nothing makes sense, and if you laugh once it would be at, not with, this trainwreck of an episode. I can't believe it's worse than "Crook and Ladder". 

Simpsons by the Season: 17

"Sometimes it's  easier to be cruel than to say how we really feel."

Season 17, according to IMDB lists, seems to hit the biggest trough in the quality of the series. I remember watching it live and thinking the same thing - but to be fair that was my thought at the end of every new season for the last seven or eight years and for time beyond that as well. However, for a brief, shining moment of optimism in what has become a cesspool of disappointment (cesspool, cesspool!) I offer this message of hope: there are a few decent episodes still. I didn't give up on this show at this point because while there are quite a few poor ones (not many this season were truly atrocious) a couple don't feel like I'm wasting my life while watching them. I mean, I am, but that's for epiphanies later.

To begin with the negatives...

The show is still hampered by the same problems they've faced in the last several years, one of which is a lack of consistency in their characters. As a change of pace, they switched from making Homer quite possibly mentally ill and Bart bordering on psychopathic and went instead after Marge this season. Where once was a solid rock of a mother, they've introduced into this season a thief and a drug peddler. I'm not kidding. In "The Last of the Red Hat Mamas" we find Marge a part of a heist, attempting to steal from Burns' manor. This isn't the Marge we know - the one that made a point of paying for "two measly stinkin' grapes" and the one who was so damaged by Bart stealing from the Try 'N' Save. This is, however, the same Marge that sells Homer's pain medication to the highest bidder on the street. She ends up arrested by the end of the episode for this, by the way.

Even as a mother Marge loses her way this season. Yes, she makes a passionate plea to a monkey to return Bart in "Bart Has Two Mommies" (yes, that happened) but she also finds an interest in not one but two men this season. One, Homer wins back her love - "My poor sweet Homie, you sacrificed yourself for the manatees!" is a real quote from the way in which he does so. The second, Marge gets amnesia in "Regarding Maggie" and cannot remember Homer. She instantly goes out and looks to begin dating other men, apparently forgetting this man is her children's father. Again, that's terrible parenting. It's also a little bit of being a terrible person. Why is this Marge?

Perhaps this ties into the second major problem of this season, which falls to a blatantly obvious difficulty in finding fresh material for plots. Two of the episodes are three-part mini stories (a second round of Bible stories and a set of tales about the sea) and then there's the two episodes where they leave for other countries, Italy and India this year. As a side note: Homer in India feels like a rip-off of the Stonecutters, both in the main plot (Homer bumbles his way to the top of the chain in a new society where he's worshipped like a God) and in the visuals. Take a look at the image on the right and tell me that doesn't look like a familiar Stonecutters scene, for you major Simpsons fans. Anyways - it feels like a bit of a cheat, as travel episodes tend to be filled with easy jokes on other cultures that have been done countless times before and the three-part episodes are really just second shots at Halloween. 

However, those aren't the most notable examples of drying the well of good ideas; the worst comes from individual, terribly disjointed episodes. A few in particular feel more akin to bad improv nights than a planned program. In "Homer's Paternity Coot" Marge battles with a new toll booth, causes a number of tires to pop, meaning more for the tire fire, leading to the heat melting a mountain, allowing them to discover a frozen mailman, revealing a letter that implies Abe is not Homer's father. This all happened within the first few minutes of the episode. If this were Whose Line Is It Anyway? (to use a dated reference, but you try to make a more relevant one in regards to improv) they would be booed off the stage. 

I did, however, say there was some good. It's true. The episode in which girls are taught math differently in Springfield Elementary is funny. The episode on evolution and creationism is funny. "The Seemingly Neverending Story", which won an Emmy, is at the very least creative and fresh when so many of the episodes fall short in that aspect. There are still a few worth watching, and when that's the case, there's still hope. That hope will be drained in due time, but for now, I would still keep watching.

Best Quotes:

"Grover Cleveland's second term - if anything - was even more uneventful."

-Krabappel to her students

"But she made us feel happy - and not church happy - real happy."

-Rod and Todd pleading with Flanders to allow Marge to take care of them

Best Episode:

I would give it to "The Monkey Suit", in which Lisa argues for evolution to be taught in schools. The episode really stresses what this season did best, which is visual gags. There has got to be about ten of them, making it worth your time for that alone. 

Worst Episode:

Abe Simpson, crippled and old, blocks a football franchise from coming to Springfield, making him attempt suicide. Somehow he becomes a matador. The episode ends with Abe floating away on balloons. "Million-dollar Abie". Never again. If that picture above doesn't convince you to stay far, far away, I don't know what will.

Simpsons by the Season: 16

"When you work in the business as long as I have, you're bound to repeat yourself."

My typical approach for these blogs is to find a common theme of the season and express how many of the episodes fit within it. Lately, they've been scathing, frustrated reviews where the average episode has repeated itself, become too foolish, or has the characters become mockeries of their former selves. This post won't be one of them.

I hesitate on saying this season is a return to form, as that would imply it was a good season. It wasn't. However, it was a return to sensibility. Rarely was the plot so ridiculous it was hard to watch, and there were a scant few occasions where the characters lost their true selves. The only major exception to this is Bart and Millhouse needlessly ruining the visit of a tourist coming to Springfield, but hey - as they say in Australia, pobody's nerfect.

There's simply not a lot to hate about this season. There are a few repeat episodes, but nothing egregiously ripping themselves off. Homer gets a motor home again... they visit Canada once more, but at least this time for a longer time with better results... yet another future episode... another episode that ends by someone yelling "party"... but nothing I'm up in arms about. As with last season, there are a few notable continuity errors, but again they're few and far between (namely Nelson saying his dad left him, although his father came back the previous season and Lisa saying Bart's never done anything for her in spite of a whole montage of them being friendly siblings in the Lisa vs. Bart hockey episode). 

Overall, it's a reasonable, safe season. The problem is it's not a very funny season. There are no standouts on either end of the quality scale, with no terribly regrettable episodes but free from anything that really makes me glad the show has continued its exceedingly long run. This is what the show has come to - not interested in staying relevant, but rather simply staying. Sadly, that's the best we can hope for. Not being angry at this show is the best I've felt in six seasons.

Best Quotes:

"I realized I was an adult when the judge says 'we are trying you as an adult'". 

-Kearney

"Now let's go murder our enemies. Peace."

-Alcatraz, rapper

"Why did Lisa dump me? Is it because of my small calves? They're the hardest place to add mass!"

-Millhouse, large, strong, future version

Best Episode:

Sheesh. I guess I'll give it to "Midnight Rx" in which Homer goes to Canada to get cheap prescription drugs. It's really nothing special, but the Canadian bits are pretty good. I guess this one wins off writer home country bias.

Worst Episode:

Lately this has been pretty easy. Homer destroying churches, being made into a prank monkey, and fighting a bear tends to leave a nasty enough taste in my mouth to barely having to consider my pick. This time around it will go to "Goo Goo Gai Pan" in which Selma goes to get her daughter from China, not because it's a terrible episode but it's the weakest of an entirely mediocre crop. I've grown weary of the "Simpsons visit another country" style episodes (no, Canada doesn't count - it's right there and we're too alike) and it comes across as weaker than the rest and mostly boring.

Simpsons by the Season: 15

"Everything's back the way it was, which is the only way it should ever be."

If you read my previous entry in this series, the crux of the fourteenth season centred around nostalgia. This time around they moved from remembering the better days to rehashing them in hackneyed episodes in which they reuse main plot points from previous years - sometimes from incredibly poor episodes, as well. That's like reanimating the dead and choosing to make zombie Hitler. Here are a few.

1. "Fraudcast News" has Mr. Burns - much to his surprise - find out he's not well liked by the town. This of course has already happened in the reprehensible "Monty Can't Buy Me Love" in which he tries to win over the public by capturing the Loch Ness Monster, so he shouldn't be too surprised.

2. In '"Tis the Fifteenth Season" Homer usurps Ned's position as the nicest guy in town. If that doesn't ring a bell, think back to "Homer Loves Flanders" in which... well, Homer usurps Ned's position as the nicest guy in town. In one episode Kent Brockman states "there's an even fatter man holding families at nice point" while in the other a newspaper article claims "Big Fat Man Has Big Fat Heart" as a headline. It's like they're doing mad libs with whole episode arcs.

3. In "Regina Monologues" Homer causes an incident where he rear-ends the Queen while on a trip to England. Of course, Homer has a bad history in causing international incidents with major political figures, as he's already thrown the Japanese Emperor into a pile of laundry in "Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo". Maybe they'll come to Canada next and Homer will punch Stephen Harper in the face. Actually, I'll be OK with that one.

4. I know this one is vague, but Bart finds yet another love interest in "Wandering Juvie". This time around, it's a new girl ending in an 'a' sound - no, not Laura, Jessica, Greta, or Clara - but Gina! For a ten year old, Bart gets around.

5. In "Millhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore" Homer discovers that he can beg for money on the street pretending he's crazy, and make a lot of cash doing so. It's slightly less awful than his grifting, but really, it's the same plot - Homer gets rich off something akin to stealing. Marge eventually finds out much the same way as before. Why they would want to recreate such a terrible plot is beyond me.

6. The Pie Man, Homer's alter ego super hero, eventually is found out by Mr. Burns who threatens to reveal him if he doesn't do his bidding in "Simple Simpson". Much of it ends up being frustratingly similar to Homer being Mr. Burns' "prank monkey" in arguably the worst episode in the series, "Homer vs. Dignity" (it's the zombie Hitler thing!). Homer even has to "pie" a girl scout much the same way he throws a pudding at Lenny as his first assignment in respective episodes.

7. "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner" is a conglomerate of two episodes. Artie's fall from grace and living with the Simpsons is basically early Herb Powell. Homer becomes the head of Ziff-Corp, inheriting the legal obligations, much the way he took over the power plant from Mr. Burns. We've seen it all before.

At the very least, if they're going to be redoing old episodes, at the very least I wish they would get the Simpsons cannon right. In "The Way We Weren't" - an episode that hinges on the Simpsons' past - Millhouse accidentally kisses Homer in a game of spin the bottle. He then says "my first kiss..." seemingly forgetting about poor old Samantha Stankey.

Best Episode:
The best is awarded to "I (Annoyed Grunt)-Bot". The plot is like a new age, original version of what made the Simpsons great; Homer genuinely wants to be a good father, but his lack of intelligence holds him back. Nevertheless, he tries his best - this time fighting robots (which sounds at least a little stupider than it is). It's funny, and Homer isn't a monster, but a decent albeit bumbling father.

Worst Episode: 

Although there are a number of poor episodes, few are truly awful. The worst goes to "The Fat and the Furriest" in which Homer is shamed by a bear, fashions a suit of armour, and ends up saving it. It's another example of the show adding animals and flying off the rails. As a sidenote, Homer also throws himself into a pile of toilets to hide from the bear, once again removing any semblance of dignity from a beloved character (pictured on the right). I really wish they'd stop doing that.

Best Quotes:
"We weren't as well behaved as our goody-two-shoes brother Canada - why by the way has never had a girlfriend - just saying..."
-Homer on the U.S. and Canada

"Ladies and gentlemen - ah, who am I kidding? Just gentlemen."
-The announcer at the Ultimate Robot Fighting tournament

"This is the little hooker line; all the girls your age are wearing it - except the freakishly unpopular."
-A salesman to Lisa

Simpsons by the Season: 14

"Are you ready for tales that will shatter your spine and boil your blood?!"

What can I say? The show got me down. I finished up the write-up for season 13, ending on a note of resigned sadness and it took me a fair while to recharge and go at it again. I filled the gap with Silicon Valley, and now I'm back with more of The Simpsons as it crawls through it's ever pressing decline into cultural irrelevance.


If season 10, 11 and 12 were awful to the point of anger, this season is more geared towards mild, nagging depression. It's mostly due to the episodes having a number of scenes that harken back to previous episodes or seasons and through that highlight how the show has fallen on tough times. They resemble previous plots, some have potential, and some directly shoot for nostalgia but it really just causes a juxtaposition between new and old they surely wouldn't want to highlight. Unfortunately, the episodes just don't cut like they used to, and everything they had once done so incredibly well - clever humour, satire, commentary - fall by the wayside in exchange for the cheap, easy laugh that's readily available.

Easy humour is the name of the game in season 14, and the best examples come through Marge's body modification. I don't expect some great satire on episodes related to Marge becoming a bodybuilder or getting breast implants, but somehow I was foolish enough to expect more out of the show. "Men like big breasts!" and "bodybuilding women are manly!" might be the best way to churn out episodes, but that doesn't mean you should - it's humour for junior high school students, and little more.

Occasionally they'll reference the past but draw comparisons they perhaps should have left unsaid. "The Great Louse Detective" for example. It's a Sideshow Bob episode in which someone is trying to kill Homer, and Bob actually tries to help the Simpsons. Ultimately, it's the son of the late Frank Grimes. It's not a terrible episode (although certainly not a good one) but it's bound to cause some loyal viewers to think this is one of the weakest Bob eps thus far, and reminds you of how strong it used to be around the time the first Frank Grimes was created. I understand they'll still want to keep Bob in the show, and that's all well and good - but that episode is pumped full of references to past seasons, and that's a dangerous game for a show in decline. Perhaps attempting to breath life into the show with new characters is a good plan, especially with the circumstances of the great Phil Hartman's passing, bringing Lionel Hutz with him. The replacement is - I kid you not - Larry H. Lawyer. Sigh. It's a tough act to follow, but that's rough.

In spite of all the nostalgia in this season, they still forget who the characters are at heart. This season Bart and Milhouse find a way into Flanders' house and ransack the place - in which Bart shows no remorse. Marge assaults a number of innocent people. Homer wrecks the church after acquiring the deed for it and holds a game of strip poker on the front lawn, seemingly just to rub away all that petty morality that had plagued the series for so long. They might bring back the past this season, but we all know it's just a memory now.

Best Quotes:
"My hobbies include: being quiet during trips, clapping with songs, and diabetes!"
-Ned's diary for Rod, demonstrating his knowledge of his son

"That is the most pungent thing I've ever smelled - and I am from India!"
-Apu upon smelling Maggie's diaper

"Let's raise the roof for the bland, informative rap of M.C. Safety and the Caution Crew!"
-From a Springfield Elementary presentation

"All my life I've had one dream; to achieve my many goals."
-Homer

Best Episode:
"Three Gays of the Condo" is my pick. It has a rocky start in which Homer and Marge needlessly feud (again) but when he meets with the gay crowd it's fairly clever and funnier than most of the rest of the season. It's not an A+ episode, but it's pretty solid throughout.

Worst Episode:
"Pray Anything" has Homer take over the church, flood the town for a second time somehow, and has twenty one brutal minutes without a laugh. Worse yet, when the town believes the flood to be God's punishment Lisa explains everything logically - with the worst logic they've ever had. A single bonfire caused enough rain to completely flood the city up to the rooftops. The trees being cut down - for this single bonfire - meant that a "flood was inevitable". If they're going to try to sell an absolutely absurd plot, don't sugarcoat it and pretend it makes sense.

Simpsons by the Season: 13

"This family has hit rock bottom."

I've been putting off writing this blog for a while. Typically it's a fight to trim down the word count in order for it to be brief enough that I'm not rambling (if you've read any of these blogs, you know it's a battle I most often lose). This time, however, I just don't have a lot to say. This season was poor, and it was poor mostly because of the exact same issues in the previous two. The characters are getting unreasonably stupid, the main plot-points are frequently far fetched, and many go in unnecessary tangents of ridiculousness where they clearly just don't know how else to end it. Here and there you'll run into a few missed opportunities, and that's that.  If anything, all that's new to talk about is the fact that now we're getting into some repetition. It was the second time for a number of things: the family finds themselves in jail, including Maggie; Homer is facing down a gunman(men) about to shoot him on his front lawn (this is the third time now, actually); Moe drastically redesigns his bar; Homer leads a group in pursuit of vigilante justice; and Maggie shoots someone, to name a few.

Repetition isn't the main problem, though. It still lies with the dumbing down of the series, as if the show doesn't believe that it can hold its viewership without resorting to Family Guy-esque humour and storylines. A number of episodes this season left me longing once more for the times when Bart getting an elephant was considered too out there. "The Parent Rap" had a judge punish Homer and Marge by putting them in stocks. Homer at one point was commanding a murder of crows. Homer (albeit accidentally) burns down the church with a rocket. Perhaps that wouldn't have been so awful if he had at least felt somewhat remorseful about it. Or if it had some repercussions for him. Or anything, really.

I mentioned earlier they had times where their stories were brimming with potential humour but eventually fell flat. The best example, at least the one that really stuck with me, was the Simpsons' first trip to Canada. We're at the point now where I remember some of these episodes airing for the first time, and I distinctly remember them advertising the heck out of that one specific idea - which is undoubtedly a good one. There's limitless material they could run with in Canada, and while the jokes they had from it were some of their best of the season (mostly poking fun at Canadian sports) it didn't connect the way it should have. That's because they only made it to Canada 17:45 into the episode. I felt cheated. "The Bart Wants What It Wants" ended up mostly being another Bart love interest storyline, in which he's had several. (Come to think of it, Bart is kind of a player considering he's ten years old.) It wasn't bad, but it could've been so much more.

The whole season could best be explained by a shrug. The bad episodes aren't even that bad (with one exception) and the good episodes aren't particularly strong. It's a consistent stream of twenty one minutes of mediocrity, one to the next.

Worst Episode:
This is a no-brainer. "The Frying Game" is the reprehensible conglomeration of a number of bad story arcs sloppily mashed together in one unholy episode.

Let me explain the plot.

 Homer has been a good husband lately. He decides to buy Marge a koi pond for the backyard. (Not bad so far!) They find a "screamapillar" (uh oh) a nearly extinct animal who has a name that is matched in obviousness only by Judge Constance Harm of "The Parent Rap" episode. They are charged with protecting it. (I'm sure Homer won't accidently kill it!) Homer accidently kills it. He is then sentenced to community service working for Meals on Wheels. Homer and Marge then become housecleaners for an old lady who pressured them into staying. (At this point the episode has changed direction so many times by now I don't know whether to puke from rage or dizziness.) Homer and Marge witness a break-and-enter and a subsequent murder. Homer becomes a suspect, allowing him to extort the town with vague threats of violence. (Oh, Homer. Identifiable family man turned extortionist.) Homer and Marge are tried and convicted of that murder. Homer takes the blame and is sentenced to death. But wait! It was all just a game show!

If you can honestly read that paragraph and believe that that could be a potentially decent episode, I question your merits as a human being.

Best Episode:
For the best, I would go with the pretty good "I am Furious Yellow", or the easier to identify, Angry Dad episode. There are a lot of cheap laughs, mostly Homer just getting
upset with things, but... at least I was laughing.

Best Quotes:
"This town will no longer be known as 'America's Sorrow.'"
-Mayor Quimby

"Every house has a bathroom."
-Marge's fortune cookie

"But West Springfield's three times the size of Texas!"
-Lisa

"Canada? Why leave America to visit America junior?"
-Homer, humorously not realizing that Canada is the far superior country

Simpsons by the Season: 12

"This plot makes no sense! Tell the people!"

This season, while slightly better than eleven, suffers from two major faults: being unable to end an episode and forgetting what their characters are meant to be.

Several times this season and the last they wrote themselves into a corner from which they couldn't return. Either they didn't provide enough time to logically solve the plot, or they simply didn't know how, and the resulting solution was to make a joke on how it's not ending properly. That's fine - it's funny, and if done right, it's pretty clever - but here's the catch: you can only do it once. This ends up happening time and time again to the point where you've not only seen it before, but you're expecting it. Last season it happened with Moe's new face due to paying for plastic surgery; he looked great, but after a wall collapsed on him, he became re-uglied. He then began questioning why he didn't have a totally new face instead of having his old face returned, in which the show cuts off his speech. It was funny. It was clever.

Then in the episode where Homer becomes a missionary and subsequently gets into a wild adventure where he's about to be killed (sheesh, just in summary form that sounds stupid) they cut the episode off as a fake PBS pledge drive. OK, but that's only two - but then there's "The Great Money Caper", a terrible episode which we'll go back to, which ends with Lisa saying "I know it seems far fetched - even insulting to your intelligence - but there's a simple and highly satisfying explanation. You see-" before she's cut off by Otto saying something like "surf's up". The show then switches scenes to the characters surfing. The episode ends. Once again, they use that excuse to get out of a jam.

This hasn't yet touched on where they simply choose not to end the episodes, and don't even bother making a joke on it. In "The Computer Wore Menace Shoes" Homer gets shipped onto an island full of people that know too much. They then send a Homer clone to the Simpson house, everyone is getting gassed all the time, Homer gets chased by some sort of defense orb when escaping the island, and it ends with the dog gassing the whole family who wakes up to find themselves on this inexplicable island. The final clip is a koala wearing a mask which shoots gas out of it, presumably trying to blank out the memory of a dreadful episode. The problem here is - again - the episode doesn't actually end. The conflict is still unresolved. It's skipping Writing 101. (Sidenote: this doesn't touch on how many times they make light of Homer no longer working, but that's just too easy.)

OK. That's half the rant.

The second major issue with this season falls on their characters no longer being like themselves. In "The Great Money Caper" in which I mentioned earlier, Homer and Bart become con artists, stealing from Springfielders. This should never happen. These are supposed to be identifiable, good people at heart. Now they're thieves. If you remember back to Bart stealing Bonestorm, his black sheep-ism caused him to go and do something sweet to cure both his guilt and the pain he caused for Marge. This time, they get caught by the town, but do nothing to learn their lesson. They lose, receive no repercussions, don't develop morally, and as I explained earlier, the episode doesn't even really end. Why would they make such beloved characters despicable?

The best example of this comes in "Homer vs. Dignity". But why talk about that here? Jump to the "worst episode" section that follows!

Best Episode:
Ah, the good ol' days where there were so many quality episodes that it was terribly difficult to choose the best. Now, I'm flipping through to find one that's good enough. Lets see... the Krusty and Sideshow Bob episodes ("Insane Clown Poppy" and "Day of the Jackanapes", respectively) were both mediocre. "Hungry Hungry Homer" is OK. Sheesh... I think I'll go with "New Kids on the Blecch" - in which Bart and his friends become the Party Posse, a boy band - in spite of the absolutely terrible ending, and purely because of how hilarious Ralph's voice is in that episode.

Best Quotes:

"Oh, the Luftwaffe - the Washington Generals of the History Channel."

"I'm a level five vegan - I don't eat anything that casts a shadow."
-Jesse Grass, a tree-hugger speaking to Lisa

"If you're watching this, you're the President of the United States. Hello sir or madame. Hopefully sir."
-One of the forbidden videos in Comic Book Guy's hidden section of the store

"Sulfur turkey? Cream of toast? Where did we get all this crap?"
-Homer searching through his cupboards for dinner

Worst Episode:
This might be the worst they've ever done. Somehow you have "Simpsons Safari" and "The Great Money Caper" and they're not even in contention. In "Homer vs. Dignity"... well, the title sums it up, doesn't it? Previously when Homer needed money he took an extra job. The reason he needed the money is he was trying to be a good father and buy the pony Lisa so desperately wanted. Now, he just wants money, and becomes Burns' "prank monkey". Throughout the episode, Burns frequently calls Homer "monkey", Homer reduces Comic Book Guy to tears (as well as most fans), gets defiled by a male panda while wearing a panda suit, and - in what may be the single lowest point in the series, and I say that while remembering Tommaco, Homer is found lying on the men's room floor in a diaper, saying "baby made a boom boom." Look what this show has done to their own characters.

Oh, and don't forget; Mr. Burns throws fish guts on a crowd as he's dressed as Santa Claus. This isn't Mr. Burns - he isn't supposed to be malicious for the sake of it. He's supposed to be greedy and ruthless, but not randomly terrible for the very sake of it. Why are they making me hate the characters I formerly loved?