So what's in store for the contestants? Will a member of a previous season make their appearance and cause trouble (pretty well every season has this, so I sure hope so)? Will it be discovered that one of the bachelorettes has a secret boyfriend at home (probably the third time now)? Will there be a drunkard that goes home in quite the state far too early (almost certainly yes, and I have my predictions!)? Well, I for one can't wait to find out.
 |
Amanda at first seems like a potentially decent pick: her occupation sounds fancy and important (esthetician) and she's pretty good looking. But, upon looking up what an esthetician is (a beautician) I'm wary they may be up-selling the profession of make-up sales clerk at Macy's. Mind you, I could be wrong - but having two kids is the deathblow.
 |
Amber returns - for the second time! After getting shipped out on the third episode of Chris' season, she's giving it another shot after a failed stint on Bachelor in Paradise. Amber seems like a very pleasant person, but a little boring, a touch too old at thirty, and not quite sleazy enough for the show. Sweet, kind people (but a little bland) don't make it far here.
Becca:
Another returning character is Becca, after having made it quite far in Chris' season but ultimately getting the axe after he discovered she just isn't very interesting.
Breanne is 30, from Seattle, and will be returning there after a few short weeks with little airtime on the show. Her profile isn't crazy enough to make me think she'll warrant much interest from the producers, and she isn't good looking or young enough to make it through to the latter half of the show.
Caila:Being half Filipino and half German/Irish/Swiss makes Caila half an average contestant for The Bachelor. It's important to remember that while the number of Asian contestants on the show are notoriously few and far between, we have had an Asian winner not too long ago. Perhaps Caila will surprise us - even if her reasoning for wanting to have three kids is "because that's the perfect amount to fit in a 5-seater car for travelling".
Emily: This year's crazy angle to spice things up is throwing twins into the mix! Being a twin is so critical to their importance that not only is it what they are but it's listed as their occupation in the Bachelor bio. I can't wait for whatever comical escapades having twins on the show will bring, but there sure will be a lot of "double the fun" puns to be made. Or "double trouble". Or perhaps a hilarious drinking binge of "double shots". Either way, I can't wait.
This year's crazy angle to spice things up is throwing twins into the mix! Being a twin is so critical to their importance that not only is it what they are but it's listed as their occupation in the Bachelor bio. I can't wait for whatever comical escapades having twins on the show will bring, but there sure will be a lot of "double the fun" puns to be made. Or "double trouble". Or perhaps a hilarious drinking binge of "double shots". Either way, I can't wait.
At this point I'm beginning to realize that having their favourite movie as either The Notebook or Bridesmaids must be listed as a requirement for this program. Anyways, Izabel takes perhaps the saddest single comment in the whole list: "Honestly, I don't love to read, but I did enjoy reading the first 150 pages of 50 Shades of Grey. Then I just saw the movie." Just eliminate her now.
Jackie is young, good looking, and a gerontologist (the study of aging) which may or may not mean sharing a booth with Amanda at Macy's depending on how the show frames their job. Either way, she seems like the "fun" archetype for the show, and with a sane profile, she's an early pick to go decently far in the competition.
Lets see, Jami... 23, bartender, 5'5... and what's this?! From St. Albert, Alberta, Canada!? She won't win, but I'll certainly be rooting for her.
Having two vaguely sex related answers in their bio alone means that Jennifer may be this year's skinny-dipping girl that grabs the bachelor's attention and the disgust of the rest of the house. Sure, that's a stretch to say this early, but such is the nature of predictions. Take a look at this season's villain. That may be bold, but just you wait.
In spite of listening to Lil Wayne and Luke Bryan to assure she gets the worst of both worlds, her profile is inoffensive. I'm going to tentatively say I would keep my eye out for this one.
Joelle seems... well, perhaps a little ditsy.
When asked if she prefers hot or cold weather: "Hot over cold. Being too cold can hurt. Lol." OK, so she said "lol" in her bio. She's not the only one.
What three people she would have dinner with: "My grandfather who has passed, Ellen DeGeneres, and Jesus." And as for what food they'd have: "PIZZA! And wine." OK, so it's an odd mix, and she'd like to have wine and pizza with Jesus, which seems a little strange. But whatever.
Her special talent: "I can make a 3-leaf clover with my tongue. Just throwing that out there." OK, Joelle, put it back in.
And if she could be someone else for a day... "Taylor swift because she's awesome and I've already thought singing country music professionally would be so much fun. Plus, she has cool friends."
I'm beginning to think The Bachelor has lowered their age requirements.
Hats off to Jubilee. She's a war vet, having seen four and a half years of active duty. But, will the American standard of patriotic respect for their soldiers overwhelm The Bachelor's consistent standard of eliminating black women by the third round of the competition time after time? It's yet to be seen.
Lace tells this story: "When I had a guy I liked over for drinks and I forgot I pooped before he came over and he used my bathroom and saw it. We couldn't even talk we were laughing so hard!"
Lace doesn't flush. Lace won't last. Say farewell to Lace.
Hmm. Laura seems well spoken and at least on the first impression pretty decent. But, she's kind of strange looking, and not specifically because of the whole ginger angle. Regardless, I bet she'll go fairly far, but won't make a push to the top four.
Lauren will be a first round elimination, and it's not her fault. The fact of the matter is she's just not attractive enough. She'll make it to round two or three under the conditions that enough people train-wreck out on the first day and she moves through by default. Or, on the second or third week if she gives a well-timed personal story that gives her a stay of execution. The world of The Bachelor is harsh.
I'm going to casually root for Lauren B. because she's one of a precious few contestants that refrained from using emoticons, terrible grammar, and internet abbreviations in her write-up. Kudos, Lauren.
Counter to Lauren B., Lauren H. littered her bio with OMG, FML, and :(. Her profession? Kindergarten teacher. *sigh*
I'll give Lauren bonus points for being self-aware enough to comment on how her favourite movie being The Notebook is a cliche. She's also the second person that would like to have pizza with Jesus, but this time spare the wine. Apparently, the average bachelor contestant views their lord and saviour as someone they can just chill and have a beer with while hanging with Justin Timberlake and Ellen. How is that conversation supposed to go, anyways? "So, Ellen, how's the show? And Jesus, I've heard so much about you!"
Leah seems to have little regard for leading a life full of mistakes. Having two doves on the back of her calves that she is hoping to have lasered off, she mentions "twerking on the wall in [her] dress during [her] Bachelor interview". I have a feeling her next regret will be having that seventh vodka shot that sends her home early.
Self described as "country through and through", holding the occupation of cowgirl and into whatever Red Dirt Country is, I'm beginning to think Maegan may be a farm girl type. She says she enjoys BBQing and drinking some beers but I'm almost certain she means drinkin'.
I want to say Mandi will be the villain of the show. She's an "I do what I want, whenever I want" type and proud of it. But, she may sway towards the drunk archetype (assuring an early elimination before attaining villain status) due to her "tendency to drink too much". Either way, she's pigeonholed into one of the two. Personally I hope it's the latter. She seems like she would be too annoying for a full season villain.
Never have I seen someone look more suited to their profession. Olivia, a news anchor, even stands like one. She seems to be lacking on the crazy side, so I'll say she'll go decently far.
If you're unemployed, and The Bachelor doesn't even make up a fake title for you like "former student" or "free spirit" that means she really must have nothing going on. I sincerely doubt she's going to make it beyond the second week - and that's only if she slips past the first round eliminations.
Samantha: Ah, we found the smart girl. She's an attorney. She was in the top 20% of her class. She correctly said whom. I hope she butts heads with the OMG FML TTYL ROFL kindergarten teacher.
I could hardly read her profile. I couldn't stop thinking of the clip of Krusty the Clown off The Simpsons trying to pronounce the Russian singing sensation that has a similar name to this girl. I suppose if you're not a fan of the show you won't get what I mean. Anyways, one of her quotes is "at some point I stopped believing in love again" and I'm predicting one heck of a teary-eyed departure - but fairly late in the competition.
Named after princess headgear, her occupation is "chicken enthusiast". It goes to show that, yes, you can be lower on the totem pole in the working world than listing yourself as "unemployed". But don't worry, she's not that different from the rest; she still loves The Notebook like everyone else.
