Simpsons by the Season: 19

"Sometimes I think about getting on a bus and never coming back."

You know, I don't enjoy writing scathing reviews. It's hard not to come across as a whiner, or some real-life version of Comic Book Guy sitting behind his computer contributing nothing but judging everything. I miss the days where I struggled deciding which is the best episode of the season rather than sifting through the muck and mire and pulling out the best of a rotten bunch. Above all, I miss these characters of which I have given so many hours watching them develop (as well as throwing more than my fair share of dollars at merchandise, some of which even Krusty would be embarrassed of) and looking forward to Sunday night comedy slots where The Simpsons could very well be the highlight. I was just a touch too young to appreciate it's prime during the days in which it aired, but watching the repeats time and time again made me appreciate them all the more - especially as I aged and gradually understood it better. Watching it decline, bleeding out all the greatness it had is such a sad experience. So it is with a heavy heart I'm attacking you, Simpsons, because I know what you were and what you could be, but worse yet, I know what you are.

The writers have changed dramatically since the show's inception. Many of the very best have long since left, and they hired on a crew of new blood to push the longevity of the program. Sometimes I wonder if the newbies have watched the show since the beginning the way so many true Simpsons fans have. They forget the Simpsons have always been a family that just kind of gets by. Lisa is the only one with any real brains except for perhaps Marge to some degree, and Homer and Bart stumble through. At the core, they're the average, every-day family; even if you're not a fan of the show, you probably would know this anyway just through general pop-culture knowledge. So when did they suddenly become so talented at whatever they so please as they have in the past few seasons? 

In this season: Homer can suddenly sing incredibly well while laying on his back (which does not come to any real conclusion - he still can); Marge stops an assassin while doing front flips; Homer is making beef jerky quite successfully just as a thing on the side; Marge is great at dance, suddenly; Lisa has inexplicably found comedic talents; and Homer is some fighting machine/spy, swinging a cinder block tied to a chain at a bunch of Burns' men that are protecting some sort of rocket. Last season, Bart became an incredible jazz drummer and Marge became a top-class carpenter, just to name a few. Where is this sudden influx of skills and talents coming from?

I understand that this has happened in the past where the family finds sudden success or surprise talents, but it's handled in such a different way. Looking through the glory years, Bart got famous on the Krusty show just through sheer luck, not talent. Homer became an astronaut strictly because he's an average man. In "Homer the Great" he leads the Stonecutters simply because he has a fortunate birthmark. In "The Homer They Fall" Homer can stand up to most boxers simply because he has just that thick of a skull. It's all chance and fortune (the crux of the Frank Grimes episode) that propels the Simpsons. It's never skill. That's what makes it funny in the first place. (It's important to note that an episode I'll be discussing later, "Homer's Barbershop Quartet", is a notable exception to this rule.)

As if that wasn't enough, some of their talents have even crossed out previous moments of Simpsons lore. We'll put aside the scene where Gil, working as a security guard, gets shot multiple times (is Gil dead now? who knows?) and move on to Marge and Lisa. Marge is not the only Simpson with dancing talent, as we suddenly learn this season. Lisa is a natural ballet dancer. Of course, not only has Bart already learned ballet, but Lisa has already tried dancing; she gave her best shot with tap but failed miserably, only finding success with the help of Professor Frink's self-tapping shoes as she was otherwise hopeless. That episode wasn't even that long ago. 

Then, of course, Homer apparently created the grunge music movement entirely on his own. Lets look at this for a moment. Again, putting aside the fact that Homer has already been a successful musician ("Homer's Barbershop Quartet") he's been to Hullabalooza, where he cannot understand their brand of music. Music that was popular in the '90s. Music that while not necessarily categorized as grunge holds many similarities. He even said to The Smashing Pumpkins' frontman Billy Corgan that he just can't "share [their] bleak world view". Now, not only does he understand it, but he started their very movement. 

I understand that doing episodes where things are happening in the past gets muddled when the show has been running for such a length, but such an oversight on what is a classic episode it's certainly hard to ignore. A prerequisite to being a Simpsons writer should be an encyclopedic knowledge of the show - which considering the fan-base it has, should not be a tall order - and I just don't feel that's the case right now.

Well... That being said...

If the writers didn't watch the show they couldn't lift the jokes from the early seasons, like Nelson's heartfelt Sundance film festival entry in "Any Given Sundance" that is essentially Barney's movie in Burns' film festival (right down to ending the clip with the word "fin" coming on the screen.  But I digress. 

Best Quotes:

"You have what made America great: no understanding of the limits of your power, and a complete lack of concern for what anyone thinks of you."
-Stephen Colbert's life-coach character to Homer

“Martin was a shy, awkward child who will never fulfil his promise to become a weird, unloved adult.”
-What is said of Martin after they believe him to be dead

"The first inspirational speech of the day was by the woman that climbed Mount Everest and got everyone else killed!"
-Marge speaking about a women's conference

Best Episode:
It's a tie. "Little Orphan Millie" has Milhouse believe his parents have died, and as a result he becomes emotional and reclusive, much to the admiration of the girls in Springfield Elementary. Emo Milhouse is genuinely funny, but it has to share the top episode spot because the ending in which they stumble upon his parents in a hot air balloon is so preposterously stupid I can't forget it. The second half tie goes to "The Debarted". Bart befriends a class clown that one-ups him at every turn. Unfortunately, he turns out to be a snitch. It's not great by any means, but it's a decent idea for a story and it has a few solid laughs.

Worst Episode:
With no doubt in my mind it's "Mona Leaves-a". Homer's mother returns once more, but this time is the last time as she passes away. Her final wish is to have her ashes thrown off the top of a mountain at a precise time.

Now this is where it gets messy.

The ashes clog the ducts of one of Mr. Burns' nefarious plots, stopping his plans. Suddenly it's a spy show in which the Simpsons are the heroes. Shocking.