Simpsons by the Season: 20

"If I ever get a hold of you, I shall thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavours."

The Simpsons is no phoenix. From the ashes in which it has burned will not rise some new, glorious age of quality in which all Simpsons fans, young and old, will join hands and rejoice in television's warm glowing warming glow. However, I hope this is the bottom. I hope that this is the lowest it will drop, the twentieth season being this milestone where they finally take a look and realize that what they're putting out isn't acceptable. This is the first season where I wasn't entirely sure if I've seen some of the episodes I've watched, as not all of them were particularly familiar, so this is likely where my interest started to wane in the series. So perhaps it improves. That is yet to be known. But I can assure you, it cannot get much worse than this.

I won't be doing my usual synopsis of what went right and what went wrong. I'll be going episode by episode of the worst, as there's... there's just a lot to cover...

"Four Great Women and a Manicure"
Typically with the three-part Halloween Special wanna-bes they'll give a background to why they're going into the past. Something to give the episode at least a semblance of reason before jumping needlessly into time-period stories. This time, it was fifty-two seconds into the episode and we're off to Patty sitting in a throne as the Queen of England. That includes the opening theme, so really the reason for saddling us with another set of shorts like this is sold to us in twenty-five seconds. The stories themselves only tenuously link; at first Marge argues something about women needing to look good, followed by Lisa saying beauty can be dangerous, and the third story is just a woman held back by a man - but told by Marge, breaking the theme.

Thank goodness it was mercifully done at seventeen minutes.

Oh... Maggie wants a story too. I guess they did four. The way to link the fourth was literally just saying "Maggie wants a story." This episode cheats a real plot-line with the multi-story non-canon arc again, and cheats further by not even having them linked.

"Wedding for Disaster"
Marge and Homer find out they're not actually married, and thus have to remarry! Fortunately, they know exactly what to do as this is the... what... fourth time they've been married by now? But wait! Homer is kidnapped! He finds himself in a Saw-like torture chamber in which he has to find a way out. Honestly, I think someone just poked a hole in the Halloween Special this year and it leaked out to some of the other ones.

As it turns out it was Selma all along. As the writers were not yet satisfied with making Bart evil and Homer a thief they had to shatter the spirit of some other characters too. Selma ruined their second (well, fourth-ish) wedding, putting Marge through pain, but also kidnapped and tortured Homer.

"Gone Maggie Gone"
Last season we had a spy caper, having the Simpson family sabotage a missile. This year, we go on a Da Vinci Code style mystery adventure! It's complete with Lisa infiltrating a convent full of crazy nuns, who lead her in a search for a gem that a nun tells her has mystical powers. After moving through a series of clues, she is led to the Springfield Bell Tower where she finds Comic Book Guy and Skinner who are part of some secret organization to find this gem as it will bring peace to the world. She eventually solves the puzzle and returns to the convent believing herself to be the "gem child" in which will bring the world peace. However, she is wrong - it's actually Maggie. Maggie is then placed on a throne, rainbows shoot everywhere and Springfield instantly becomes a happy, peaceful place. That is, until Marge discovers Maggie has been taken and demands her back, and Bart is placed on the throne in her stead. Instantly, fire and brimstone shoot through the church, as Bart is no longer a good-hearted kid with bad tendencies, but sent by the devil himself (the picture is below).

This episode is best described as being poor simply by stating the plot itself. Here's the kicker, though - this wasn't the worst of the season. In my opinion it wasn't the worst by a long shot. That prestigious title belongs to...

"Lisa the Drama Queen"
My father, an avid Simpsons fanatic and long-standing devotee of the series (he still watches every episode, and I admire his tenacity) often speaks of "Lisa the Drama Queen". He didn't know the title so he would describe it as some mess where Lisa makes a make-belief land with dragons and unicorns and other crap. Add Lisa slipping in and out of an aggravating english accent and he had it pretty well dead on. It's a contender for a bottom ten of the series, which really, really means something now. An episode that ends with the Simpson family going to Machu Pichu because Bart put a tracker Marge planted on him on a bird didn't even make the list - neither does an episode that has a magic sauce foretelling what would have come had Homer become class president in high school.

Best Episode:
Speaking of my father again, he always says that he sticks around because the show can, on occasion, pump out some decent episodes still. I'd debate if it's worth pushing through that much muck and mire for something that still won't hold with any of the first hundred or so episodes.

"Homer and Lisa Exchange Cross Words", an episode in which Lisa becomes a crossword puzzle champion and Homer bets on her (and eventually against her) keeps the characters at least somewhat close to themselves, shows Homer having regret for his actions, and stays at least somewhat in the realm of reality. For season twenty, that's knocking it out of the park.

Best Quotes:
"Man, those are some ugly kittens."
-Bart reflecting on his kitten calendar gift for the family

"Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay."
"Ugh, how'd you check?"
-Bart and Homer to a salesman trying to give a puffy shirt to Bart