Simpsons by the Season: 2

"We're simple people, with simple values."

I believe most avid watchers would say that The Simpsons is in it's peak around seasons 3-10, give or take. One and two are typically glossed over not as bad seasons per se, but somewhat of a lesser prelude to a timeless classic - left in the dust for the blessings that are about to come. Season two is strong in parts, but it just isn't the complete knockout punch of what's in store up ahead. That being said, it has all the makings of the classics with a number of Simpsons firsts that come through after the completion of season one, which in the grand scheme of things served mostly as character establishment.

Bart and friends enjoying the adult channels on cable. This
joke has long since passed its expiry date due to the 
smutty and unyielding progress of the internet.

Episode three takes us to a personal favourite series of mine; the first of the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror specials. Admittedly, their first run at it isn't particularly strong. Split into Bad Dream House, Hungry are the Damned, and The Raven, it doesn't have the same level of humour that most Treehouse of Horror episodes have due to the freedom it gives the writers to take it in directions that they otherwise can't (although a recent Kang and Kodos episode may prove that rule no longer exists). This I believe is the least entertaining Treehouse of Horror for about a decade to come - which is impressive as, really, it's still pretty good. The show is still clearly finding it's way a little, and while funny, it's missing something, some sort of edge that perhaps comes with more established characters.

Hell, according to the animators. It's... odd. I don't think
they expected anyone to pause it and look closely. That,
or it's a parody that's going over my head. Probably the latter.

That's not to say that this season is without charm. What it starts doing right is a hallmark of classic Simpsons; their political commentary makes a point without being preachy, and probably hits the highs of the season in regards to raw humour. Mr. Burns running for governor in Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish is the highlight, being one of the strongest episodes of the season and managing to hold its relevance in the American political system after all these years, which is both impressive and perhaps a little unnerving. Actually, a few of the political commentaries hold frustratingly true: for example, in Homer vs. Lisa and the Eighth Commandment in which Lisa has a moral issue with the concept of stealing cable, one can really just switch the topic to internet piracy to keep it relevant. Further, in Itchy and Scratchy and Marge the debate of violence on television is brought up with many of the same talking points you'll hear in arguments on the same topic except with video games taking the centre stage. It wasn't too long ago the game Mass Effect 3 was blamed for a tragic school shooting because the assailant 'liked' it on Facebook. A mob of complaints went on the game's Facebook page before the group realized they were looking at the wrong guy's profile in the first place. Oops. 

McBain, prior to his comedy act, McBain: Lets Get Silly.

With a few exceptions in strong side characters (Mr. Burns and Skinner, namely) most of the strengths of the season come from a focus on Bart and Homer. Lisa and Marge have yet to really find their way; both of them often come across as frustratingly preachy rather than funny. In the aforementioned episode focusing on stealing cable, Lisa crosses that line between humorous and annoying twice: once in the grocery store where Marge tries a couple of grapes where she yells "thou shalt not steal!" (although the following scene with the cashier asking for the price on "two measely stinkin' grapes" is downright hilarious) and later when Homer asks if she wishes to watch T.V. with him, she responds with "sorry, I'd rather go to heaven." Sheesh. You would think it would be difficult to dislike an adorable cartoon eight year old girl, but I was finding a way.

Regardless of a few grievances with the female side of the family, the crux of the show is an identifiable, likeable family. They're still a loving, caring group that struggles to stick to their moral well-being while learning lessons along the way. It's a very old-school style of television that I feel the show has abandoned in recent years (and by recent I mean ten or so seasons). Bart in Bart vs. Thanksgiving learns to care about Lisa's feelings, Homer in Lisa's Substitute learns to, well, care about Lisa's feelings, Homer when about to die in One Fish Two Fish Blowfish Blue Fish both makes peace with Grandpa and has a heart-to-heart with his daughter and son, etc. etc. It's still at the very core of the show and helps to fuel the episodes. If you need further proof, look at the entirety of the episode with Mr. Bergstrom, Lisa's Substitute. 

Best Episode:

Time to brag: I am a proud owner of a toy model
of this car. It is one of my proudest possessions.

Oh boy... it's a tough call, but I'll be saying Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? with the consistently funny Herb Powell, and the smartest and probably funniest episode, Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish. 

Best Quotes:
"Ironic, isn't it Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."
-Mr. Burns after losing the election in the Simpson house.

"You can ching ching ching cash in on this tragedy!"
-The first appearance of the great Lionel Hutz, after hearing of Bart getting hit by a car driven by Mr. Burns.

"Don't you think you deserve to earn just as much as a man who does the same job?"
"Not if I need to do heavy lifting or math."
-Marge, to one of the school feminists.

"Goodbye, Bart. ...I like your sheets."
-Homer trying to find a nice thing to say to Bart when he believes he's about to pass away.

The Sims 2: Bettering Myself

Still mourning the loss of my dear sweet Sim, so recently found dead in his beautifully wallpapered and carpeted but otherwise empty house, I thought I'd crack open the game again and give it another shot. A rebirth! I'm going in with a new attitude: absolute practicality. This time he's going to have a toilet and a shower. This time he'll have access to food. I dare say he'll even have a bed, preventing his painful collapse on the floor from exhaustion, in precisely the spot where he died from hunger. This time he'll pick up a job, but as a change of pace he'll survive long enough to make it to the carpool. I believe. This is the time.

First thing's first, I have to create my Sim. The most notable mistake I made the first time was creating him in my likeness - but my mistake in doing that was I want the Sim to actually be a success, and thus far from my persona. The previous Sim's deep-sea diving helmet was a symbol of his failures; big and boastful, but more notably, terribly impractical. With this new Sim I'm going a new direction; something basic but determined, a crew cut, a part, or a knight's helmet (I chose the knight's helmet).  But what is his name? The previous one was named after myself, and now he's dead. This man needs a proper name, a name of power.. MAX power... Max Power! Oh, if only The Simpsons hadn't beaten me to it. I would have to change it up, but keep the same aesthetic. After much deliberation (by which I mean sitting at the computer considering names that sound 'cool' while I play a game from ten years ago) I came across what I wanted. An homage to The Simpsons but still its own.

Welcome to the world, Jack Maximum.

My first visitor to my old Sim's house.

Designing his house was a significantly cheaper endeavour than the last attempt. It was simple, small, cheaply wallpapered. It contained a toilet, shower, a microwave, lights, a bed, and deciding to splurge, a table. I was ready to begin. The first thing I did was read the newspaper and found a job to match my personality - already having the knight's helmet, a job as a recruit in the military seemed like the simple choice. I kept happy by doing things that my previous Sim just didn't have the means to accomplish, like personal hygiene and eating. The first few days went swimmingly, finding a few extra dollars, staying somewhat happy, and so forth. I even purchased a bookcase to brush up on my mechanical knowledge as well as a workout bench to ensure that I stay jacked. Fortunately the T.V. dinners and cups of ramen I have mastered in the kitchen have provided me with enough protein for me to increase my levels of fitness, earning me a promotion up to the rank of Drill Sergeant. Jack Maximum, you're unstoppable.

This is what my Sim does, but doesn't have the heart to
lock his doors.

Jack does have one frustrating problem, though. His house has become a party mansion with seemingly no way to stop the excess of people filtering in and out in spite of the lack of seating, food or entertainment. The neighbourhood comes in unannounced and uninvited, occasionally making snide comments about Jack's body odour (he works all day and pumps iron by night - cut him some slack). Worse yet, they inexplicably keep complaining to him about being invited over and having nowhere to sleep - a ridiculous accusation considering I have yet to even provide Jack with a phone. They use my computer (gifted to me rather generously by one of the better neighbours), clog my bathroom and break my shower. They also seem to have no qualms with the fact that they stay until the wee hours of the morning while I'm in my room sleeping. For a brave drill sergeant wearing a knight's helmet I seem to be a bit of a pushover.

Due to the complaining, Mr. Maximum has become unpopular in the neighbourhood. Few people like Jack, believing him to be a poor houseguest despite wishing for no guests at all. Somehow, they also consistently return in what has become a baffling mess of inexplicably acceptable trespassing. Trying his best, Jack has conversed with some, particularly one annoying girl who doesn't share his interest in robots and vampirism, his "turn ons". She didn't hate Jack as much as the rest of the neighbours and offered to set him up on a blind date - starting immediately. Lonely, frequently smelly, and tired of home invasions, Jack thought a date might be a good idea. This new woman fell out of the sky, and right into his arms. Within an hour, Jack was cracking lewd jokes and making out, all in the beautiful setting of his bathroom. She was entranced. Jack is happy. So happy, in fact, that he could sleep through all the people endlessly strolling around his house while he tried to get some sleep.

Simpsons by the Season: 1

"What can I say? I have a weakness for the classics." 

 

1989.

A loving family with actual food rather than miscellaneous
purple glop on their plates. 

The Berlin Wall just opened to west Germany, protests ran through Tiananmen Square, and The Simpsons aired their first episode. The Simpsons is old - old enough that technology in their "future" episodes has since not only been met but surpassed, and yet the series shows no signs of stopping. Just before the credits of their first episode ending with a Charlie Brown-esque family caroling of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer's, the final line of "you'll go down in history" rings more true than ever. Of course Bart chimes in with "like Attila the Hun" right afterwards, but much like the song it serves a better narrative without it.

You would think the very first season would be somewhat dated, but it holds up surprisingly well, albeit noticeably different than later episodes. Especially the first few of the season; it has a very 'family values' feel to it a lot of the time. Homer fears he'll ruin Christmas without his bonus in Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire, Bart getting the crap kicked out of him over and over in Bart the General for sticking up for Lisa, and in Bart the Genius Bart and Homer have a few genuinely heart-felt moments. This may happen in later seasons here and there, but it's relatively few and far between in comparison, and perhaps not as strongly.

White Lou?! I wonder when he turns black... Fun fact:
Smithers is black in the early episodes. The times they are
a changin'.

The whole season is friendlier, so to speak, than the average set of episodes. The Simpsons themselves are more identifiable than ever - Homer actually works, is stupid but reasonably stupid, and does everything for his family; Bart is a troubled kid but ultimately good hearted, all the while learning lessons about popularity, honesty, and what have you, "Family Channel" style. Episode arcs follow a pattern: a flawed character makes an error, but the base good-nature comes out in the end and a lesson is learned. You see this in Homer's incident with the belly-dancer, Bart cheating on a test by switching it with Martin, Marge being temporarily swooned by television's most suave bowler, and Lisa with... I don't know, Lisa did something too. Probably a lesson about not trusting Albanian foreign exchange students. They all learn. There are morals. There are messages. And they come hard and fast nearly every episode.

However, this isn't to take away from the fact that the humour is timeless. Almost every comedy you'll see takes some time to find its footing, few coming out of the gate being top notch, and  the first season doesn't have too many moments that you'll be laughing out loud at as the next 10~ do. However, considering the age of the show it holds up shockingly well, much better than I had expected. I believe the first season may be viewed a little more harshly because of just how strong the following seasons are.

Top Left: a picture hangs in the background that is both
defying gravity and the length of Bart's forehead.
Bottom Left: I don't know why they would pick a high angled shot
to make Bart look like some inhuman monster, but here we are.
Right: Barney's differently-coloured mouth aside, they have a sneak
peek at one of Futurama's mutants in the top centre. 

Humour, despite the age, isn't the greatest difference. The answer comes in the immediate and obvious visually. The Simpsons is animated very, very differently as the seasons go on, and obviously the first is going to be where the changes are most prevalent. Mistakes and oddities (as pictured above) are littered all over the place, harking back to a time where animation was obviously a little harder. However, the expressions on Krusty's heart attack in Krusty Gets Busted more than makes up for any glaring (sometimes comical) errors.

The Simpsons, all things considered, starts out strong. I know for certain that it's about to get a heck of a lot stronger.


Best Episode(s):

This has got to be the best single frame of the series.

I have a soft spot for Kelsey Grammer, so my pick goes to Krusty Gets Busted with a nod to Bart the General. The introduction of two characters so consistently funny in Krusty and Sideshow Bob I cannot give the title for this season to any other.

Best Quote:
While Homer is negotiating for his job back from Mr. Burns:
"You're not as stupid as you sound... or look... or our best testing indicates."

Bachelor Chris: Midseason Review

What a mess. Chris has been underwhelming as a bachelor, what seemed like solid picks have fallen by the wayside, and despite having my final three predictions all staying in the race they're all on their way out soon. However, a mess is something that's typically great television, and this season is surely no exception; high drama, rampant insecurity, and enough exclamations of "amazing" and "here for the right reasons" to fell the hardest of alcoholics (even early eliminatee/second attempter Jordan) in a drinking game.

But what if you've been missing out, and have heard the glories of The Bachelor but are just now planning to indulge? Well here's a recap on all the players left in the running.

Kelsey:
One of my predicted top three finishers, Kelsey had all the makings of a finalist judging from her performances in the first few episodes. Seeming calm and collected, and a business-like haircut that practically tells you as such, this former widow (another bonus point) should make it far. However, something in the past two episodes has gone horrifyingly wrong. She's become gossipy, whiney, and is throwing a high-pitched laugh in her arsenal that could shatter the countless glasses of wine that adorn the Bachelor household.

It came to the pinnacle at the end of last week's episode: she decides to tell the story of her husband's passing - a patented Bachelor move-on-to-next-week card to play - but with all the nonchalantness of a retelling of a tale of a trip to the grocer. She had the audacity to call the story of her husband's untimely death "amazing", later saying she "loves [her] story". Her inexplicable panic attack collapse at the end of the episode is spelling doom not for her health or mental well being, but for her chances of ultimate Bachelor victory - the most coveted prize of television as far as I'm concerned.

Becca:
Oh, Becca. She seems like a decent person. I believe she may be a naive girl who signed up for the show thinking it's a great chance to meet a good man and live a happy and prosperous married life.

The poor woman. I wish her the best as she finishes in 5th or 6th.

Britt:
If you have read my previous Bachelor blog (you haven't, most likely) I called Britt the frontrunner. Arguably the most attractive with an obvious connection from the beginning, it seemed like if Britt kept her wits about her she's a first place finisher in the making, or at least a future bachelorette. However, she's dipped lately; a constant open-mouthed gasping face at the slightest surprise (oh my gosh a date card?! On the Bachelor?!) feels like she's putting on a show. To quote many a fifteen year old girl - she seems fake.

After this week's ominous "nap" with Bachelor Chris, with a Godfather-esque door closing to ward away the cameras, the physical connection is, obviously, more evident than ever. However, too strong of confidence and being perhaps a little overbearing will spell her end before this show is done. She'll become too needy and overplay her hand. 3rd or 2nd place. Mark my words.

Jade:
Jade seems like a tremendously sweet, down to earth girl that's the type you take home to see your parents. She has all the innocence of -

...wait, hold on.

She posed for Playboy?

Ashley I.:
Alright, shame me. She was one of my top three picks from episode one. I didn't realize how rampantly insecure she was. I'm sorry. We all make mistakes.

The entire episode last week hinged on Ashley repeatedly stating she's a virgin - in fact, going as far to say she's never had a boyfriend. That's about as close to the truth as I'm as close to being a millionaire.

Megan:
Either the show is playing up this poor girl's idiocy, or she really is completely out of her mind. Not necessarily crazy, but just (at the risk of sounding rude) downright stupid. She's still in the competition for one of two reasons: the producers are asking Chris to keep her for comedic reasons, or her absolutely massive chest is carrying her through.

Both are fairly reasonable assessments.

Whitney:
The fact that Ashley I. hates Whitney is a sign that the latter has a good head on her shoulders. She seems like decent person and a potential winner, despite having one of the most obviously staged "wedding crasher" dates a few weeks ago leading to one of the more boring moments in the season, even by Bachelor standards. I'm rooting for her. I hope her incredibly high-pitched voice won't cost her.

Kaitlyn:
Kaitlyn went from the slutty one (sure to last maybe a few weeks) to an entirely different class of contestant - a narrator comedian, and a rather likeable one at that. I went from being ashamed that she's the only Canadian in the show to hesitant non-shame. Good for her. I predict a 4th-5th place finish.

Samantha:
Samantha is...

Um...

Well, she's currently in the show. From the four seconds of airtime we see her each week we have confirmed that yes, she signed up for The Bachelor, and yes, she is technically still in the running.

Mackenzie:
Slightly nutty, occasionally somewhat funny, a little aloof, and eliminated either this upcoming week or the next. I'm sorry, Mackenzie - you have a child and the rest of your traits don't quite make up for it.

Carly:
Typically I warn against women with crazy eyes such as Carly's, but this time she might be a decent pick. I don't believe she'll make it to the final three, but she kind of deserves it. She's pretty smart, well spoken and occasionally funny. Better yet, she's aware enough to recognize the power move by Kelsey to drop her "widow card" right before her likely elimination.

Bachelor Chris:
Chris has one main failing, and while Juan Pablo had several, this is one that they share. He can't speak for the life of him, especially when he's in panic mode. A few weeks ago he was asked an admittedly rather difficult question ("Why is it you're kissing all the girls?" or something to that effect). The honest answer would be he's the bachelor and he can do as he pleases because all of the women will flock to him even if he passed out Nazi propaganda brochures instead of roses. The correct answer would be to tell them he feels a number of strong connections, it's a difficult and unusual situation, and just because he has kissed someone else it shouldn't take away anything special from the relationship that he has with the girl he's talking to. Finish it off with the old bear with me, it's a difficult trial for all of us but I'm in it for love and to find a wife, and I'm asking you to trust me speech, and you're golden. Case closed.

Dang. Perhaps I should be the next bachelor. Is there a market for feeble, pasty Canadian men with days and days of World of Warcraft experience?