The Sims 2: Bettering Myself

Still mourning the loss of my dear sweet Sim, so recently found dead in his beautifully wallpapered and carpeted but otherwise empty house, I thought I'd crack open the game again and give it another shot. A rebirth! I'm going in with a new attitude: absolute practicality. This time he's going to have a toilet and a shower. This time he'll have access to food. I dare say he'll even have a bed, preventing his painful collapse on the floor from exhaustion, in precisely the spot where he died from hunger. This time he'll pick up a job, but as a change of pace he'll survive long enough to make it to the carpool. I believe. This is the time.

First thing's first, I have to create my Sim. The most notable mistake I made the first time was creating him in my likeness - but my mistake in doing that was I want the Sim to actually be a success, and thus far from my persona. The previous Sim's deep-sea diving helmet was a symbol of his failures; big and boastful, but more notably, terribly impractical. With this new Sim I'm going a new direction; something basic but determined, a crew cut, a part, or a knight's helmet (I chose the knight's helmet).  But what is his name? The previous one was named after myself, and now he's dead. This man needs a proper name, a name of power.. MAX power... Max Power! Oh, if only The Simpsons hadn't beaten me to it. I would have to change it up, but keep the same aesthetic. After much deliberation (by which I mean sitting at the computer considering names that sound 'cool' while I play a game from ten years ago) I came across what I wanted. An homage to The Simpsons but still its own.

Welcome to the world, Jack Maximum.

My first visitor to my old Sim's house.

Designing his house was a significantly cheaper endeavour than the last attempt. It was simple, small, cheaply wallpapered. It contained a toilet, shower, a microwave, lights, a bed, and deciding to splurge, a table. I was ready to begin. The first thing I did was read the newspaper and found a job to match my personality - already having the knight's helmet, a job as a recruit in the military seemed like the simple choice. I kept happy by doing things that my previous Sim just didn't have the means to accomplish, like personal hygiene and eating. The first few days went swimmingly, finding a few extra dollars, staying somewhat happy, and so forth. I even purchased a bookcase to brush up on my mechanical knowledge as well as a workout bench to ensure that I stay jacked. Fortunately the T.V. dinners and cups of ramen I have mastered in the kitchen have provided me with enough protein for me to increase my levels of fitness, earning me a promotion up to the rank of Drill Sergeant. Jack Maximum, you're unstoppable.

This is what my Sim does, but doesn't have the heart to
lock his doors.

Jack does have one frustrating problem, though. His house has become a party mansion with seemingly no way to stop the excess of people filtering in and out in spite of the lack of seating, food or entertainment. The neighbourhood comes in unannounced and uninvited, occasionally making snide comments about Jack's body odour (he works all day and pumps iron by night - cut him some slack). Worse yet, they inexplicably keep complaining to him about being invited over and having nowhere to sleep - a ridiculous accusation considering I have yet to even provide Jack with a phone. They use my computer (gifted to me rather generously by one of the better neighbours), clog my bathroom and break my shower. They also seem to have no qualms with the fact that they stay until the wee hours of the morning while I'm in my room sleeping. For a brave drill sergeant wearing a knight's helmet I seem to be a bit of a pushover.

Due to the complaining, Mr. Maximum has become unpopular in the neighbourhood. Few people like Jack, believing him to be a poor houseguest despite wishing for no guests at all. Somehow, they also consistently return in what has become a baffling mess of inexplicably acceptable trespassing. Trying his best, Jack has conversed with some, particularly one annoying girl who doesn't share his interest in robots and vampirism, his "turn ons". She didn't hate Jack as much as the rest of the neighbours and offered to set him up on a blind date - starting immediately. Lonely, frequently smelly, and tired of home invasions, Jack thought a date might be a good idea. This new woman fell out of the sky, and right into his arms. Within an hour, Jack was cracking lewd jokes and making out, all in the beautiful setting of his bathroom. She was entranced. Jack is happy. So happy, in fact, that he could sleep through all the people endlessly strolling around his house while he tried to get some sleep.